- Dr. Cox: Oh, whoa, now. What happened to - what happened to feisty Barbie, huh? You know, it took me a helluva lot to shake off that tongue-lashing you gave me yesterday.
- Elliot: Yeah, well, yesterday I had a mentor, but she turned out to be insane. I mean, how am I supposed to take professional advice from somebody who can't even hold together their personal life?
- Dr. Cox: Look, I know you and I have never really connected - maybe that's because you're relentlessly annoying, or maybe it's my fault because I can't tolerate relentlessly annoying people - I don't know. But answer me one question: Do you think I'm a good teacher?
- Elliot: To some people.
- Dr. Cox: Fair enough. Why don't we go ahead and take a look at my personal life? I am in love with a woman that I hate, my two-year-old son calls me "Pewwy," and - this is something that I've never actually shared with anybody before, but - on Saturday nights, I like to throw on a nice dress, go out to dive bars, and insist that everybody call me Mrs. Haberdasher!
- Elliot: [laughs, then thinks] No, you don't.
- Dr. Cox: Well, even if I did, it wouldn't really matter since that has nothing to do with how good of a teacher I am. Stick with me here, Barbie. The point is that if you finally found somebody who makes you believe in yourself as much as you did yesterday, well, I would think twice before I wrote that person off.
- Dr. Cox: How, uh, how old is this patient?
- Elliot: Seventy-nine.
- Dr. Cox: And... how old would you say he was when you started this procedure?
- Elliot: [thinking] The more I thought about how awesome Molly is, the more I got sick of Dr. Cox's crap.
- Dr. Cox: Oh my God, I could fly to China, adopt a child, raise her, send her to medical school, and then train her to do this procedure in the time it's taking you to finish.
- Elliot: [thinking] Enough! He's never been there for you! Burn this bridge once and for all!
- Dr. Cox: Barbie, honest to God, if you...
- Elliot: You know what, Dr. Cox? I have so had it with this whole macho alpha-male thing, and I have heard every tired, recycled put-down you have in you. So, from now on, save your stupid lessons for someone who gives a frick, because honestly, I don't even wanna see you or the stupid poodle perm of yours unless it's walking away from me.
- J.D.: Half of what rappers say doesn't make any sense. Like that Snoop Dogg Dr.Dre song? What is "still hittin' them corners and those ho-hos girl" mean?
- Turk: Many diadvantaged African-Americans have limited nutritional choices, therefore they must subsist of Ho-Ho snack cakes. It's a black thing, bra.
- Dr. Clock: Actually, Turk, it's "still hittin' them corners and those low-lows girl". It's low-lows, not ho-hos.
- Elliot: See, Turk, in the hood, a low-low is a low rider, or a car with an adjusted suspension which allows it to bounce up and down.
- [Elliot and Molly both inmitate bouncing]
- J.D.: [laughs] Ha-ha-ha.
- Elliot: And Dre and Snoop like driving around together in their low riders around the corners, or lizzle-rizzles.
- [starts rapping]
- Elliot: I'm representin' for them gangsters all across the world!
- Dr. Clock: Still hittin' them corners and them low-lows girls!
- Elliot, Dr. Clock: I'm takin' my time to perfect the beat, and I still got love for da street!
- Carla: Turk, you just got schooled on rap by the two whitest chicks in America!
- Turk: None of you can prove it.
- J.D.: I got it on tape.
- Elliot, Dr. Clock: Whicka, whicka, whicka.
- [imitating scratching discs]
- Turk: Dude, I've got my own problems! I've got a bedtime again! I haven't had a bedtime in like twelve years!
- J.D.: You had a bedtime when you were seventeen?
- Turk: No! Not every night. On the weekends I didn't have to be in bed by 11, but I had to be in my room.
- J.D.: Oh. That's way cooler.
- Turk: The point is Carla's setting some kind of record on being a major pain in the ass, and I can't help you.
- J.D.: Okay, everybody, gather around please?
- Dr. Cox: Newbie, I need to talk to you?
- J.D.: I'm a little busy right now, Perry!
- Dr. Cox: Oh. My fault, I'll come back later.
- J.D.: Oh, and another thing, From now on, I'd prefer it if you'd address me as "Dr. Dorian."
- Dr. Cox: [sotto] Are you really doing this?
- J.D.: [sotto] You bet your ass I am. And from now on, if you have a problem with me, you come see me in private, not in front of my boys! My boys got enough to worry about!
- Dr. Cox: [sotto] Wrap it up, there, bingo.
- J.D.: I simply will not tolerate it, Perry! And neither will my boys!
- Dr. Cox: [sotto] The next minute you find yourself alone, I'm gonna kill ya.
- J.D.: [sotto] It was worth it.
- Elliot: [thinking] There's Dr. Kelso. Okay, you're chief resident now, so say hi. But don't stop, or you'll have to come up with something else to say, and you know you don't improvise well.
- Elliot: Hi, Dr. Kelso!
- Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid.
- [she stops]
- Elliot: I see you've trimmed your nose hair!
- [Dr. Kelso looks at her]
- Elliot: [thinking] Frick on a stick!
- Carla: Mm? Wha? Wha? Oooh. It's morning already?
- Turk: No. But I could see how you'd think that, being that it's light out and we're in bed. Baby, since we got married, I've done every little thing you've asked me to do. But I will not have my woman tell me when I need to go to bed! Okay!
- Carla: Okay.
- Turk: Really, that quick?
- Carla: I love it when you're all "my woman this, my woman that."
- J.D.: As I watched Elliot and Molly walk off, and thought about how Lonnie was a much less stable giant doctor base than Turk, I realized how important it is to have someone close to you that you can count on.
- Dr. Cox: Tell you what, there, Gidget, if you promise to leave right now, I won't yell at you in front of your peons anymore.
- J.D.: You ruined my credibility! Now look me in the eyes and tell me that's not messed up!
- Dr. Cox: Fair enough. Later on today when you are with your residents, I'll come up for something, you'll tell me you're too busy in a manly way, and I will contritely turn around and walk out of the room with my tail between my legs. Problem solved.
- J.D.: Can you pull off contrite?
- Dr. Cox: Can you pull off manly way?
- J.D.: Should have seen that coming.