Scrubs (TV Series)
Her Story II (2006)
Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian
Quotes
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Dr. Cox : Weeeeell, look what we have here: it is a visual representation of how alcohol affects people of different ages. We have the young...
[indicates Julie]
Julie Quinn : [brightly] Morning!
Dr. Cox : [moving to Elliot] ... the slightly older...
Elliot : [clearly hungover] Please stop talking.
Dr. Cox : [moving to Carla] ... the slightly older still...
Carla : [mumbles incoherently]
Dr. Cox : [moving to Jordan, who is wearing dark sunglasses and not moving] ... and last, the very, very, VERY old. She is unconscious and virtually unwakeable. Witness.
[he grabs Jordan's shoulders and shakes her]
Dr. Cox : Jorda-roo! Jorda-licious! Jorda-roni!
[Jordan doesn't react]
Dr. Cox : Uh-huh.
J.D. : Ha! I'll get you ladies some more coffee. Jordan, if you're willing to pay for it, just sit there frozen.
[no response]
J.D. : How very generous.
[he reaches into Jordan's purse and takes out her credit card]
Julie Quinn : That's so funny!
J.D. : [forcing a smile] Yeah...
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Turk : J.D., this is an intervention. First off, I just want to say everyone here loves you, this is a safe space. But you're such a committ-a-phobe! Every time you date a girl with potential you wind up ruining it over some trivial reason. Let's think about some of the great girls you let slip through your fingers: Kylie, Jaime, Gift Shop Girl, Minnie McSkinny, Mole Butt, Tina Two-Kids, Rumplefugly... I'm forgetting someone...
Carla : [narrating] Oh, my God, Turk... if you forget Elliot she's gonna cry.
[out loud, while nodding towards Elliot who's starting to moan]
Carla : Turk, aren't you forgetting the greatest girl of them all?...
Turk : [snapping his fingers] Heidi Horse-Face!
Elliot : [almost crying] Me, Turk... she's talking about me, OK?
J.D. : Relax, Elliot... you're Mole Butt.
Elliot : [moved] Really? Sorry, Turk...
Carla : J.D., there's somebody else here who wants to say something...
Billy Dee Williams : Don't mess this up, man... be smooth.
Turk : Lando's right.
Billy Dee Williams : Billy Dee!
Turk : [mouthing] Lando...
Dr. Cox : Joanna, now I'm not much for this sensitive crap... but, darn it all, you've found someone who's willing to let you annoy them instead of me.
Elliot : Don't screw this up, J.D., or you'll just gonna end up where you always do: lying on that couch in a fetal position wishing you hadn't driven another one away.
Dr. Cox : If Jordan were conscious, she'd... she'd agree
[Jordan sits unconscious on the couch; she has a fake arrow through her head]
Dr. Cox : Oh, now, who put that fake arrow through her head? Eh? Which one of you?... It was me... I did it...
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J.D. : You're okay buttercup?
Julie Quinn : The glass broke in my month
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Turk : So, when am I gonna get to meet Julie?
J.D. : Do I want her to meet Turk this soon? What if he doesn't like her?
Turk : What are you doing?
J.D. : I'm saying all my thoughts out loud so that I don't mess this relationship up
Turk : I don't understand
J.D. : I forgot, sometimes Turk is slow. You know what? It's time for her to meet the people in my life. I think she's gonna do great
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Julie Quinn : That's so funny! That's so funny! Look how big that pancake is that's so funny
J.D. : [whispering at Turk] Make-her-stop
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J.D. : You used to be afraid of commitment, too. Then somehow you got over it and now you're married.
Turk : That's because I was never as bad as you.
J.D. : Oh, really? Remember Whitney "The Snapper"?
Turk : Ahhhhhhhhh!
[flashback to Turk in college dorm room with attractive girl]
Turk : Thanks for paying for dinner.
Whitney : And for dessert, you're gonna get a little Whitney
[snaps]
Whitney : a-
[snaps]
Whitney : la-
[snaps]
Whitney : mode!
Turk : [makes horrified face] Get out.
