Scrubs (TV Series)
My Missed Perception (2006)
Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian
Photos
Quotes
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Mr. Bursick : Which people do I hate again?
J.D. : Immigrants, Mister Bursick. You hate all immigrants.
Mr. Bursick : And why do I hate...
J.D. : I don't have time, Mister Bursick. Guys, if I give you a patient I expect you to work your butt off for him. And P.S., Mr Jenkins is a Vietnam Vet, so let's take care of him like he took care of our nation. Get out of here! That's how you light a fire under their butt Perry, you let them go with some inspiration...
Dr. Perry Cox : Too much talking, too much talking, too much talking, too much talking, to much talking, too much talking. Why did you order a BNP test on my patient Mrs Wilk last night?
J.D. : Because she's my patient.
Dr. Perry Cox : Interesting, since i admitted her.
J.D. : And I treated her last night.
Mr. Bursick : Dr Dorian, why do I hate all immigrants?
J.D. : Because they're stealing all of our jobs, Mr Bursick... stealing aaall of our jobs. Perry, we spend an equal lot of time of Mrs Wilk. Now seing that we're both attendings, why don't we let her decide who her doctor is?
Dr. Perry Cox : Ooor we could skip the day trip to unessesary land and instead simply conceed that Mrs Wilk is my patient. And while we are both attendings, we are in no way equals - we are in fact not equal. We are UN-equals.
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Dr. Perry Cox : Hand over your stethoscope.
J.D. : What?
Dr. Perry Cox : In victory, I get your stethoscope. It's a trophy. You're lucky we're not back in olden times, I would have made a necklace out of your teeth.
J.D. : I find this highly unproffesional.
[J.D. gives Dr Cox his stethoscope]
Dr. Perry Cox : Now I'm going to check on Mr Jenkins, your war hero. I feel he too deserves a competent doctor. In fact, I'm gonna take all of your patients. And consequently your only reason to get out of that lasie over pillowed 4 poster virgin cocoon you call a bed every morning.
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Dr. Elliot Reid : I should have just believed Mr Peele. I mean, it's not like somebody just poos their pants for no reason.
J.D. : Turk did that in college on a bet.
Dr. Christopher Turk : Carla didn't know that story, thank you.
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J.D. : [about Mr. Jenkins] I know, he's homeless and smells like an obese man's twosie...
Mr. Jenkins : Hey!
J.D. : Sorry, thought you were napping.
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Dr. Elliot Reid : Ohh, Roland's gonna be mad.
J.D. : Oh well. He's 6, what's he gonna do? Kick my ass?
[thinking]
J.D. : Again?
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J.D. : This morning you told me you had a great life.
Mrs. Wilk : Exactly, and I'd like to continue it.
J.D. : Oh, this is a misunderstanding. I'm so sorry.
[to Cox]
J.D. : Tell her it's a misunderstanding.
Dr. Perry Cox : He's tried to kill before.
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Dr. Christopher Turk : Where's the donut truck? I was paged there was a donut track out here!
Dr. Elliot Reid : I got paged there was a handbag sample sale!
Dr. Todd Quinlan : Where's the booby-touching booth?
J.D. : It's weird. It's like everyone was lured out here by the thing they want most in the world.
Dr. Perry Cox : [arriving running, watching J.D] Hey! You're not getting your ass kicked!
Dr. Kelso : Hold the phone... look! Bleachers! Ladder! Bucket of combs! She's trying to take the picture! Scatter!
[everybody runs away]
Nurse Carla Espinosa : [standing on the top of a ladder] Nobody move! Laverne, door!
Nurse Laverne Roberts : [standing on the threshold of the hospital's entrance, holding a broom] Nobody's getting past here, baby!
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Dr. Kelso : How old do you think I am, Dorian?
J.D. : [Voice over] Okay, there's no way to answer that and not get in trouble. Change the subject.
[Out loud]
J.D. : Sir, I would be honored if you and Enid would join me at my place on Sunday for some homemade jambalaya.
Dr. Kelso : Well, it would be good for Enid to get out of the house.
J.D. : [Voice over] Oh my God, he's actually thinking about it. Change the subject back!
[Out loud]
J.D. : You're seventy-eight, sir.
Dr. Kelso : You think I'm that old?
J.D. : Jambalaya.
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J.D. : Sometimes when you're feeling guilty it's like a storm could over your head
