- Elaine Benes: Can I have a medium Diet Coke?
- Concessionaire: Do you want the medium size or the middle size?
- Elaine Benes: What's the difference?
- Concessionaire: Well, we have three sizes: medium, large, and jumbo.
- Elaine Benes: What happened to the small?
- Concessionaire: There is no small. Small's medium.
- Elaine Benes: What's medium?
- Concessionaire: Medium is large and large is jumbo.
- Elaine Benes: Okay. Give me the large.
- Concessionaire: That's medium.
- Elaine Benes: Right! Can I have a small popcorn?
- Concessionaire: There is no small. Child size is small!
- Elaine Benes: What's medium?
- Concessionaire: Adult.
- Elaine Benes: Do adults ever order the child size?
- Concessionaire: Not usually.
- Elaine Benes: Okay. Give me the adult.
- Concessionaire: Do you want butter?
- Elaine Benes: Is it real butter?
- Concessionaire: It's butter flavored!
- Elaine Benes: But what is it made of?
- Concessionaire: It's yellow!
- Kramer: [describing Jerry] If you see a guy that's five foot eleven, he's got, uh, a big head and flared nostrils.
- George Costanza: [describing Jerry] Um, excuse me, have you see a guy with like a horse face, big teeth and a - and a pointed nose?
- Usher: [describing George] There was a short guy with glasses. Looked like Humpty-Dumpty with a melon head.
- George Costanza: [describing Elaine] You know, kinda short, big wall o' hair, face like a frying pan.
- Elaine Benes: [describing Kramer] Oh, hey, listen, by the way, have you seen a, uh, a tall, lanky doofus, with a, with a bird-face and hair like the Bride of Frankenstein?
- Elaine Benes: I will buy your popcorn and soda and we'll call it even.
- George Costanza: I'll tell you what. Give me the 20. I'll buy you a popcorn and a soda and I'll throw in a bonbons.
- Elaine Benes: George, you're sapping my strength.
- Elaine Benes: You know, men can sit through the most pointless boring movie if there's the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off.
- George Costanza: So, what's your point?
- Pat Buckles: We should go see 'Rochelle, Rochelle'. I hear it's really hot.
- Jerry Seinfeld: No, thanks. Maybe some other time.
- Pat Buckles: Really? Do you really mean that?
- Jerry Seinfeld: No, I don't.
- [last lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: But I always get confused in the movie theater by the plot. It's embarrassing. This is embarrassing thing to have to admit, but I'm the one that you see in the parking lot, after the movie, talking with his friends, going, "Oh, you mean that was the same guy from the beginning? Oh..." Nobody will explain it to you. When you're in the theater, you can't find out... "Why did they kill that guy? Why did they kill him? Who was that guy? What was that guy? I thought he was with them. Wasn't he with them? Why would they kill him if he was with them? Oh, he wasn't really with them. I thought he was with them. It's a good thing they killed him."
- [first lines]
- Jerry Seinfeld: What is with the age-gap hiring policy at most movie theaters? You ever notice they never hire anyone between the ages of 15 and 80? You know what I mean? The girl that sells you the ticket, she's 10. Then there's the guy that rips it, he's 102. What happened in the middle there? Couldn't find anybody? It's like they want to show you how life comes full circle. You know, you're 15. You're selling the tickets. Then you leave, you go out, you have a family, kids, marriage, career, grandchildren... Eighty years later, you're back at the same theater, three feet away, ripping tickets. It took you 80 years to move three feet.