Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Virgin (1992)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

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Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : There's no easy way to break off any relationship. I think when you first start dating, they ought to give you three "Get out of relationship free" cards. You know what I mean? So you can just go up to the person and go, "Uh, here you go. I'm sorry. I'll grab the tennis racket. Don't even bother to get up. Have a good one. Sorry." Which is fine, unless, of course, the person you're in the relationship with happens to have an "Eight more months of guilt, torture, and pain" card. "Uh, hold it. I've got a little something for you."

• George Costanza : She's a virgin?

  Jerry Seinfeld : A virgin.

  George Costanza : Wow. So what are you gonna do?

  Jerry Seinfeld : I don't know. I'm very attracted to her. That accent is so sexy.

  George Costanza : I don't think I could do it. You know that they always remember the first time. I don't want to be remembered. I want to be forgotten.

• Jerry Seinfeld : [to George]  Here, you have a job that can help you get girls, but you also have a relationship. But if you try and get rid of the relationship so you can get the girls, you lose the job. You see the irony?

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : In ancient tribal cultures, they would actually sacrifice a virgin. They thought that would do something. They would find some girl that had never been out with anybody, and they would throw her into a volcano. I mean, there's a first date you'll never forget. Winds up in heaven talking with Chuck Woolery. "So tell me, Lisa, how did the date end? -- Not well, Chuck. Not well. -- Well, if you'd like to be thrown into a volcano again, we'll pay for it."