The Simpsons (TV Series)

Bart on the Road (1996)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Mr. Prince, Barney Gumble, Winnipeg Father, Pawn Shop Owner

Quotes 

• [Lisa tells Homer about Bart's problem after making him promise not to get mad] 

  Lisa : [rapidly]  Bart rented a car with a phony driver's license and drove Milhouse, Martin, and Nelson to a wig outlet in Knoxville and the car got crushed and they're out of money and they can't get home and Bart's working as a courier and just came back from Hong Kong!

  [Homer's face turns pink, but his voice is eerily calm] 

  Homer : Yes, that's a real pickle. Would you excuse me for a moment?

  [He puts on a radiation suit hood and screams out indistinguishable profanities, fogging the glass of the faceplate. When he takes the hood off, he is eerily calm again] 

  Homer : All right, I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home. Then I will murder him.

• [last lines] 

  [after Homer and Lisa secretly rescue Bart from his latest escapade, Homer and Marge are settling down for the night. The phone rings, Marge picks it up] 

  Marge : Hello? Oh, hello, Principal Skinner. No, Bart has never been to Hong Kong. All right, goodbye.

  [she hangs up, but the phone rings again] 

  Marge : Hello? Tennessee State Police? No, my son's car did not get crushed in Knoxville! I can't even begin to tell you what's wrong with that.

  [she hangs up, the phone rings yet again] 

  Marge : Hello? No, Bart is not available tomorrow to deliver a human kidney to Amsterdam!

  [she hangs up and turns out the light] 

  Homer : Hee, hee, hee...

  Marge : Homer, are you laughing at me?

• Homer : Lisa, would you like a donut?

  Lisa : No thanks. Do you have any fruit?

  Homer : This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.

• Homer : Hello, I'd like to speak to a Mr Snotball, first name Eura.

  Moe : Eura Snotball?

  Homer : What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!

• [three children are shouting and irritating their father while he is driving the family car] 

  Winnipeg Father : If you kids don't keep your hands to yourself, I'm gonna turn this car around, and there will be no Cape Canaveral for ANYBODY!

  [Nelson slaps the back of the father's head from Bart's car without the man observing it] 

  Winnipeg Father : THAT'S IT! Back to Winnipeg!

  [turns the car around]