- Seth: You know Homer, your Mom was a pretty groovy chick.
- Munchie: And a demon in the sack!
- [Seth and Munchie laugh]
- Grampa Simpson: Oh, you heard about that, eh?
- [laughs]
- Grampa Simpson: Hmm... I know where we might find your missing moniker. It's a bit of a drive, but on the way, we can have a nice father-son chat
- Homer Simpson: Great! I'll go shoot myself for bringing this up.
- Lisa Simpson: [the Family is at the hospital with Homer having a stem of a flower sticking out of his forehead] Are you gonna remove the flower?
- Dr. Hibbert: [laughs] I'm a doctor, not a gardener.
- Homer Simpson: Well, can you at least cut the leaves off so I can watch T.V.?
- Dr. Hibbert: [Sternly] What did I just say?
- Lisa Simpson: Dad, do you mind? Your feet are really close to my potato.
- Homer Simpson: Your potato? You can't, like, own a potato, man. It's one of Mother Earth's creatures.
- [he burps]
- Marge Simpson: Homer! Excuse yourself!
- Homer Simpson: No way, narc! Bodily functions are a natural thing.
- Bart Simpson: Not to mention hilarious.
- Marge Simpson: You know, I really don't appreciate being called a narc. And that poncho is filthy! Let me dry-clean it for you.
- Homer Simpson: Why do you have to turn everything into one big plastic hassle? Marge, you've got too many hang-ups. Like the whole shaving trip. Come on, I want to see those legs all furry and gross!
- Marge Simpson: That ain't gonna happen, bub.
- Homer Simpson: Well, at least lose the bra. Free the Springfield Two, Marge! Free the Springfield Two!
- Homer Simpson: You may crush our bodies and our ponchos, but you'll never silence our song of protest!
- [sings]
- Homer Simpson: "Uptown Girl, she's been living in her white-bread world..."
- Bart Simpson: Hey, what the heck is your middle name, anyway?
- Homer Simpson: You know, I have no idea! Hey, Dad, what does the "J" stand for?
- Grampa Simpson: How should I know? It was your mother's job to name you, and love you and such. I was mainly in it for the spanking.
- Homer Simpson: But I can't ask Mom, she's on the run from the law!
- Grampa Simpson: Serves her right for being a sixties radical! Though she was a demon in the sack!
- [giggles]
- Montgomery Burns: Ah, lunchtime! Well, let's see what I've packed for myself today. One bullion cube, one Concord grape, one Philly cheese-steak and a jar of garlic pickles. No one will want to kiss me after these, eh, Smithers?
- Waylon Smithers: Well, it's their loss, sir.
- Montgomery Burns: [laughs uneasily] Yes.
- Homer Simpson: Hear ye, hear ye! The intergalactic jester proclaims this conformity factory closed!
- [Kids cheer and burst out of the school]
- Principal Seymour Skinner: 15 years of loyal service and this is how they tell me? A jester with an invisible proclamation?
- Chief Wiggum: [speaking on megaphone] Attention, hippies. Come out peacefully so we can smash your drug mill and all your worldly possessions.
- Young Homer: How could you let me turn into you?
- Homer Simpson: But, but, but, but... the poncho...
- Young Homer: [mimicking] "Buh, buh, buh, buh, the poncho!" Hit the road, square!
- [Homer is in a car with hippies Seth and Munchie. Marge is walking down the street]
- Homer: Hi, Marge. We're freaking out squares.
- Marge: Oh, Lord...
- Homer: What's in your brand new bag, momma?
- Marge: Oh, it's that pair of Dockers you wanted. Forty-eight waist with the balloon seat, right?
- Homer: [panicking] Marge, not in front of the hippies.
- [Seth and Munchie laugh]
- Hippie Chick 1: Oh, Homer J., how do you keep your hair so rich and full?
- Homer Simpson: Lather, rinse, and repeat. Always repeat.
- Hippie Chick 2: Homer J., will you teach us to make love?
- [back to reality]
- Homer Simpson: Wow. I could have lived like that?
- Chief Wiggum: OK, boys, set your night sticks on "whomp."
- Lou: [twirling his night stick] Er, chief? Mine's stuck on "twirl."
- Homer Simpson: I guess the juice business is more important than the ideals our hippie forefathers refused to go to war and die for.
- Homer Simpson: Have no fear, the Cosmic Fool is here, to blow the lid off your conformist button-down world!
- [Homer has to write his full name on an application form but he doesn't know what his middle initial stands for]
- Bart: Uh, so Dad, regarding that form, why not just make up a middle name?
- Lisa: You might as well. You already made up a phony film credit.
- Homer: No. Homer Simpson does not lie twice on the same form. He never has and he never will.
- Marge: You lied dozens of times on our mortgage application.
- Homer: Yeah, but they were all part of a single ball of lies. The point is, I'm a grown man, and I deserve a middle name.