The Simpsons (TV Series)

Homer at the Bat (1992)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson

Quotes 

• [Darryl Strawberry is playing Homer's position] 

  Lisa Simpson : You stink, Strawberry! We want Home Run Homer!

  Bart Simpson : Daaarrryl... Daaarrryl...

  Lisa Simpson , Bart Simpson : [in unison, with Maggie silently joining in]  Daaarrryl! Daaarrryl!

  Marge Simpson : Children, that's not very nice.

  Lisa Simpson : Mom, they're professional athletes; they're used to this sort of thing! It rolls right off their backs.

  [a sad-looking Strawberry wipes away a single tear and sniffles] 

• [Marge is filming Homer sitting in the dugout at a softball game. Homer starts to scratch his crotch] 

  Marge Simpson : Oh, dear.

  [points the camera at her feet] 

  Marge Simpson : Children, tell me when your father stops scratching himself.

  [long pause] 

  Marge Simpson : Kids...?

  Bart Simpson : We'll tell you, Mom.

• [in flashback] 

  Homer Simpson : [narrating]  It all started last year during a terrible thunderstorm, when I'd locked myself out of the house. Sheltering myself with a large piece of sheet metal, I ran for cover under the tallest tree I could find!

  [a lightning bolt strikes a branch off the tree, which falls to the ground beside Homer. The area broken off from the tree is red-hot due to the lighting] 

  Homer Simpson : Something told me this was a very special, very magical piece of wood that I could make a bat out of. I put my homemade football on hold...

  [in the garage, he pushes aside a misshapen, patchwork "ball" off the workbench with the branch] 

  Homer Simpson : And set to work making the world's greatest bat!

  [a montage shows Homer carving the wood, sawing an end off with a saw, hammering nails into it, and using a blowtorch on it. Marge enters, wearing her nightgown] 

  Marge Simpson : Homie, come to bed!

  [cut to the bedroom, where Marge is awoken by Homer continuing to carve the wood] 

  Marge Simpson : Homer, go back to the garage.

• [Marge is recording Homer's first game on a camcorder, and is "commentating" as a Springfield Police player is batting] 

  Marge Simpson : And the next man wants to hit the ball, too.

  [batter hits the ball; crowd cheers] 

  Marge Simpson : And he does.

  [batter runs across the bases] 

  Marge Simpson : And there he goes, off in that direction. And everyone is happy.

  Bart Simpson : Uh, mom, why don't you let me call the game?

  Marge Simpson : It's alright dear, I can do it.