The Simpsons (TV Series)

Homer at the Bat (1992)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Charlie, Police Radio, Aristotle Amandopoulis, Graceland Tour Guide, Barney Gumble

Quotes 

• Barney : [in Moe's Tavern]  And I say, that England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!

  Wade Boggs : Pitt the Elder!

  Barney : Lord Palmerston!

  Wade Boggs : Pitt the Elder!

  Barney : Okay, you asked for it, Boggs!

  [punches him out] 

  Moe : Yeah, that's showing him, Barn'!

  [disbelieving] 

  Moe : Pitt the Elder...

  Barney : Lord Palmerston!

  [punches him out] 

• Homer Simpson : You're Darryl Strawberry!

  Darryl Strawberry : Yes.

  Homer Simpson : You play right field.

  Darryl Strawberry : Yes.

  Homer Simpson : I play right field too.

  Darryl Strawberry : So?

  Homer Simpson : Well, are you better than me?

  Darryl Strawberry : Well, I've never met you, but... yes.

• Homer Simpson : Where do you think you're going?

  Lisa Simpson : To the game.

  Homer Simpson : No, no! I don't want you to see me sitting on my worthless butt!

  Bart Simpson : We've seen it, Dad.

• Homer Simpson : Hey Clemens, did I make the team?

  Roger Clemens : You sure did.

  Homer Simpson : Woo-hoo! In your face, Strawberry!

  Roger Clemens : Wait a minute. Are you Ken Griffey Jr.?

  Homer Simpson : No.

  Roger Clemens : Sorry. Didn't mean to get your hopes up.

• [in flashback] 

  Homer Simpson : [narrating]  It all started last year during a terrible thunderstorm, when I'd locked myself out of the house. Sheltering myself with a large piece of sheet metal, I ran for cover under the tallest tree I could find!

  [a lightning bolt strikes a branch off the tree, which falls to the ground beside Homer. The area broken off from the tree is red-hot due to the lighting] 

  Homer Simpson : Something told me this was a very special, very magical piece of wood that I could make a bat out of. I put my homemade football on hold...

  [in the garage, he pushes aside a misshapen, patchwork "ball" off the workbench with the branch] 

  Homer Simpson : And set to work making the world's greatest bat!

  [a montage shows Homer carving the wood, sawing an end off with a saw, hammering nails into it, and using a blowtorch on it. Marge enters, wearing her nightgown] 

  Marge Simpson : Homie, come to bed!

  [cut to the bedroom, where Marge is awoken by Homer continuing to carve the wood] 

  Marge Simpson : Homer, go back to the garage.

• [Mr. Burns is pinch hitting Homer for Strawberry] 

  Mr. Burns : Alright, Simpson. Let's go over the signals. If I tug the bill of my cap like so...

  Homer Simpson : Yeah?

  Mr. Burns : ...it means the signal is a fake.

  Homer Simpson : Uh-huh.

  Mr. Burns : However, I can take that off by dusting my hands thusly.

  Homer Simpson : Got it.

  Mr. Burns : If I want you to bunt, I'll touch my belt buckle not once, not twice, but thrice. If I tug this ear...

  [keeps going as Homer tunes out] 

  Homer Simpson : [thinking]  Uh-oh. I don't understand a word he's sayin'. Why doesn't he just let me bat? I wish I was home with a big bag of potato chips. Mmm... potato chips...

  Mr. Burns : Got that, Simpson?

  Mr. Burns : Yes, sir!