The Simpsons (TV Series)

Homer vs. Patty and Selma (1995)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Homer enters the room] 

  Selma : Am I wrong, or did it just get fatter in here?

• Homer : God is teasing me. Just like he teased Moses in the desert.

  Marge : *Tested,* Homer. God *tested* Moses.

• Selma : After all, you can't spell obsequious without iou.

  Homer : I'll have to take your word on that.

• Selma : We own you like Siegfried owns Roy.

• Marge : Homer, are we in some sort of fiduciary trouble?

  Homer : [imagines Marge as a queen]  Oh, Marge, my loyal wife... of course not.

  [Lisa walks by the room, he imagines her as a princess] 

  Homer : And Lisa, my little princess.

  [Bart walks by, he imagines him as a human-rat hybrid] 

  Homer : And who could forget dear Ratboy?

  Bart : Ratboy? I resent that!

  [chomps on bedroom entrance] 

  Marge : Bart, I told you before - stop gnawing on the drywall.

• Lisa : How's dad today?

  Marge : Not too good, Lisa. Frankly, he's under the table.

• Marge : Try to be nice to my sisters. It's very hard on me to have you fighting all the time.

  Homer : Oh, OK Marge, I'll get along with them. Then, I will hug some snakes! Yes, I will hug and kiss some poisonous *snakes*!

  [pause] 

  Homer : Now that's sarcasm.

• Patty : We thought we'd stop by unexpectedly for dinner.

  Selma : Now bring us some extra chairs like a good blubber-in-law.

  Homer : Time to fertilize the lawn; a couple of 500 pound bags should do it!

  [grabs them by the neck]