The Simpsons (TV Series)
How I Spent My Strummer Vacation (2002)
Keith Richards: Keith Richards
Photos
Quotes
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Mick Jagger : Welcome to Rock N' Roll Fantasy Camp, where you'll experience the complete rock n' roll lifestyle, without the lawsuits and STDs.
Homer : Whoo! STDs!
Keith Richards : Now, you're all here for one reason.
Homer : To rock!
Keith Richards : [accusingly] Who said that?
[Homer quickly points at Otto]
Keith Richards : That's right, Otto. We're here to rock!
Mick Jagger : So, get a good night's sleep, and remember, rule number one, there are no rules.
[cheers]
Mick Jagger : Rule number two, no outside food.
Chief Wiggum : [disappointed groans] Aw, what a gyp.
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Marge : That was great, Homie.
Homer : What the hell are you doing here?
Mick Jagger : Camp is over, Homer.
Homer : It's been a week already?
Marge : I'm glad you had fun, but it's time to come home.
Tom Petty : Your mother's right, Homer.
[Marge scowls]
Tom Petty : Gotta get back to the real world.
Mick Jagger : Yeah, we've all gotta get home. My lawn's not gonna mow itself.
Keith Richards : And I've gotta put up the storm windows. Winter's coming.
Homer : Wait. Don't go. I wanna keep on rocking.
[to his fellow campers]
Homer : Come on, guys. A-one, a-two...
Elvis Costello : [pulling up on his motorcycle] I'll take that.
Homer : [Elvis takes his guitar and leaves] No!
Elvis Costello : [coming back] It came with a pick.
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Keith Richards : Gettin' away from the gig can be a matter of life and death. So you gotta be in great physical shape.
[taking a drag from his cigarette]
Keith Richards : Okay, follow me.
[playing the sounds of fans cheering on a boom box]
Keith Richards : Paparazzi to the left.
Homer : I got 'em.
[smashing the cardboard stand-up with his guitar]
Homer : I'm entitled to a private life! I'm not a role model and so forth.
Keith Richards : Good, Homer. Now, just past the groupies and we're home.
[diving into a waiting limo, then seeing the campers making out with the stand-ups]
Keith Richards : They're bloody cardboard!
Homer : We know.
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Keith Richards : [as Homer improvises a rock song] What's all this, then?
Tom Petty : He's stealing the show from us.
Mick Jagger : Not on my shift.
[it's revealed he's on top of the Satan head prop]
Mick Jagger : Let's rock and roll.
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Homer : You're rock stars. You're supposed to be reckless and destructive and be celebrated for behavior that would land normal people in jail.
Keith Richards : That's what I told 'em, Homer. But just the same, we'd like to make it up to you.
Mick Jagger : We're doing a gig tomorrow to benefit the victims of tonight's gig. And we'd consider it an honor if you'd join us.
[holding up a jacket with "guitar hero" stitched on the back]
Homer : Well, you're very sweet, Mick. But the only rocking I wanna do is in my living room chair surrounded by the world's greatest backup group, my family.
Lisa : [transition to him taking the kids to school the following day] Are you sure you don't miss hanging out with your rock-star friends, Dad?
Homer : No, I got something to remember 'em by.
[he chuckles as it's revealed he's driving the Satan-head stage prop]
Homer : Have fun at school, kids.
Bart Simpson : Later, Homer.
Principal Skinner : Mr. Simpson, this zone is for school buses only.
Homer : [using the flame thrower to burn off Skinner's clothes] Rock and roll! Whoo-hoo!
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Mick Jagger : We're doing a benefit gig before we leave town. How would you like to join us on-stage?
Homer : For serious?
Keith Richards : For serious, Homer.
Homer : Can I have 40 guest passes?
[Mick looks to Keith, who shrugs; Mick, in turn, nods at Homer]
Homer : Whoo-hoo!
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Mick Jagger : [double-checking a huge stage prop shaped like a demon head] Okay, let's see the eyes.
[red lights illuminate from the eyes]
Keith Richards : Now the fire.
[a burst of flame is emitted from the mouth, which he uses to light his cigarette]
Keith Richards : Thanks, mate.
Lenny Kravitz : Couldn't you find a more fuel-efficient Satan?
Mick Jagger : Lenny, don't you have a crotch to stuff?
