- [Skinner hands Edna Krabappel an ice cream cone]
- Mrs. Krabappel: Oh Seymour, you shouldn't have. It's going to go straight to my thighs.
- Principal Seymour: Well Edna, it just might have some company.
- Ceasar Chavez' ghost: Hello Homer, I'm Ceasar Chavez.
- Ceasar Chavez' ghost: But, how come you look like Ceasar Romero?
- Ceasar Chavez' ghost: Because you don't know who Ceasar Chavez looks like.
- Homer: And I gave that man directions, even though I didn't know the way, because that's the kind of guy I am this week.
- duff stadium guard: [walking to microphone in the middle of the stadium] so homer how do you feel?
- Homer Simpson: me... meatloaf "hung-y"...
- Homer Simpson: [singing] I'm trying to ease my stomach pains. I'm moving my legs so my stomach won't hurt. I'm kinda like Jesus, but not in a sacrilegious way.
- Howard K. Duff VIII: Well, Homer, your hunger strike lasted twelve amazing days!
- Homer Simpson: [groans weakly] Me so hungy.
- Howard K. Duff VIII: Of course you are, Hungry, Hungry Homer, so why not break your fast with our brand new Isotope Dog Supreme?
- [Duffman approaches and holds up a hotdog with three toppings]
- Homer Simpson: [sniffs, moans and shudders] So hard to resist. Mesquite-grilled onions, jalapeño relish.
- [goes to take a bite, but stops]
- Homer Simpson: Wait a minute. Those are southwestern ingredients!
- [everyone gasps and murmurs]
- Homer Simpson: Mango lime salsa? That's the kind of bold flavour they enjoy in...
- [grabs the microphone and points at Duffman]
- Homer Simpson: Albuquerque!
- [everyone gasps loudly]
- Lenny Leonard: He's right!
- Moe Szyslak: Yeah! And the wrapper says, Albuquerque Isotopes!
- Sideshow Mel: Homer was right!
- [stands up and points]
- Sideshow Mel: They're planning to move the team!
- [everyone shakes their fists, yelling furiously]
- Howard K. Duff VIII: [nervously] N-n-now, now, see here, people. Let's not be too hasty.
- Homer Simpson: [grabs the microphone] Tell the truth! Come on, everybody!
- Crowd: [chanting] Tell the truth! Tell the truth! Tell the truth!
- Howard K. Duff VIII: [to Duffman; indicates Homer] Get him out of here!
- Homer Simpson: Don't listen to him, Duffman. For once in your life, stand up for the little guy!
- [Duffman looks back and forth thrice between Homer and Howard]
- Duffman: New feelings brewing in Duffman! What... would Jesus do?
- Homer Simpson: I don't mind being called a liar when I'm lying, or about to lie, or just finished lying. But NOT WHEN I'M TELLING THE TRUTH!
- Homer Simpson: You know me: occasionally, I'll be quirky.
- [Eyes widen]
- Homer Simpson: I'll be quirky?
- [Remembers]
- Homer Simpson: Albuquerque!