- Principal Skinner: [over intercom] Attention. All honor roll students will be rewarded by a trip to an archaeological dig. Also, all detention students will be punished with a trip to an archaeological dig.
- Homer Simpson: Oh no, this can't be happening. What the hell are we going to do with ten thousand angel ash-trays?
- Bart Simpson: I could take up smoking.
- Homer Simpson: You damn well better.
- [Speaking about the skeleton she found]
- Lisa: It could be a mutant from the power plant.
- Mr. Burns: That's preposterous, everyone knows our mutants have flippers - oops, I've said too much. Smithers, get the amnesia ray.
- Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
- Mr. Burns: Yes, and be sure to wipe your mind clear when you're done as well.
- Lisa: If you believe in angels then why not unicorns or leprechauns?
- Kent Brockman: Oh Lisa everyone knows leprechauns are extinct.
- Homer Simpson: [singing] Here's the angel, see the angel, it's my angel, no-one elses,next to the rakes!
- [Discussing Science versus Religion]
- Ned Flanders: Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins the movie by telling you how it ends. Well, I say there are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
- Moe Szyslak: [after being crushed by a Mastodon tusk] Oh I'm paralyzed. I just hope medical science can cure me.
- Ralph: [mispronouncing Principal Skinner] Prinskipper Skippal! Uh, Prinnickle Skimpsker, I found something!
- Kent Brockman: [Over the TV] Coming up next, an hilarious boat give-a-way scam, that's Springfield's Dumbest Criminals!
- Homer Simpson: [laughs] Sounds like good watching.
- Lisa: I don't understand, Professor, why didn't your test show that the skeleton was a fake?
- Stephen Jay Gould: I'm going to be honest with you, Lisa, I never did the test.
- Marge Simpson: There's this new mega-mall they're building. They say the air conditioner will be more powerful than a million hydrogen bombs.