The Simpsons (TV Series)
Lisa's Sax (1997)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Announcer, Michigan J. Frog, Grampa, Groundskeeper Willy, Barney, Music Store Owner
Photos
Quotes
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Homer Simpson : Now son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass on the words of advice my father gave me.
Grampa Simpson : [in Homer's mind, as he remembers] Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly! If a strange man offers you a ride, I say, take it!
Homer Simpson : Lousy traumatic childhood!
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Man in "Twin Peaks" : That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks. And damn good cherry pie.
[on TV we see The Giant dancing with a white horse, as a traffic light hangs from a nearby tree]
Homer Simpson : Brilliant.
[chuckles]
Homer Simpson : I have absolutley no idea what's going on.
Marge Simpson : Homer, I want you to look at this drawing Bart did!
[presents Homer with a very morbid drawing]
Homer Simpson : [faking excitement, watching TV] Oh, it's beautiful! Oh, oh, let's put Bart's beautiful drawing up on the fridge!
Marge Simpson : Homer, stop. Will you please look at the drawing?
Homer Simpson : Oh, all right. What...
[looks at drawing]
Homer Simpson : ...AAAH! Burn it! Send it to hell!
Marge Simpson : I think we're going to have to get Bart some help.
Homer Simpson : [cringing] Get it away!
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Marge : There must be something we can do to encourage Lisa's gift. An art class. Ballet lessons. They have fun things to do at the museum on Saturday.
Homer : Whoa, whoa, Marge. I'm not spending my Saturdays at a museum. Unless... museums don't have foosball do they?
[in Homer's mind, he's playing against the Statue of David and wins]
Homer : You lose, Michaelangelo's David! Who's next?
The Scream : [Edvard Munch's The Scream runs out] MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
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Homer Simpson : Our family was suffering its worst crisis ever. Bart was miserable at school, and Lisa's gifts were going to waste.
Bart Simpson : Uh, Homer, its five years later and I'm still miserable at school.
Lisa Simpson : And my gifts are still going to waste!
Marge Simpson : And sometimes I just feel so smothered by this family I just want to scream till my lungs explode!
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Music Store Clerk : Would you like an inscription, sir?
Homer Simpson : Yes. To Lisa, never forget that your daddy loves -
[accidentally drops the saxophone]
Homer Simpson : D'oh!
Homer Simpson : [in the present] And that inscription is still here today!
[inscription of flattened saxophone says, "To Lisa, never forget that your daddy loves d'oh!"]
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Homer Simpson : Boy, the way the Bee Gees played...
Marge : Movies John Travolta made...
Homer Simpson : Guessing how much Elvis weighed...
Homer Simpson , Marge : Those were the days!
Marge : And you knew where you were then...
Homer Simpson : Watching shows like Gentle Ben...
Homer Simpson , Marge : Mister, we could use a man like Sheriff Lobo again!
Homer Simpson : Disco Duck and Fleetwood Mac...
Marge : Coming out of my eight-track...
Homer Simpson , Marge : Michael Jackson still was black... those were the days!
[later on in episode]
Homer Simpson : Bart was feeling might blue...
Marge : It's a shame what school can do...
Apu : For no reason here's Apu!
Homer Simpson , Marge , Apu : Those were the days!
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Homer Simpson : Oh, my father gave me beer as a child.'Til wrapped my little red wagon around a tree.
Barney Gumble : [Flashback to Homer and Barney as boys] Let's never drink again.
Homer Simpson : [Flashback to the present, Homer has a Duff beer in his hand] And we never did.
[Drinks it]
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Marge Simpson : Well, Grandpa, as long as you're here, we were telling a story that took place when Bart was five, and Lisa was three.
Grampa Simpson : Oh, I know this story! The year was nineteen-ought-six. The President is the divine Miss Sarah Burnheart. And all over America, people were doin' a dance called the "Funky Grandpa"!
[sings]
Grampa Simpson : Oh... I'm... the...
[falls asleep standing up]
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Marge : You know, Homer, there's $200 in the air conditioning account.
Homer : Oh Marge! Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life sweating like a pig?
Bart : Not to mention eating like a pig and dressing like a pig.
Apu : Don't forget the smell.
Homer : Will you get off of my lawn?
Apu : Why don't you make me?
Homer : Why, you...! Oh, forget it.
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Homer Simpson : Bart son, do you want to play catch?
Bart Simpson : No.
Homer Simpson : Oh, when a boy doesn't wanna play catch with his old man, something is seriously wrong.
Grampa Simpson : I'll play catch with you, son.
Homer Simpson : Get the hell out!
Grampa Simpson : I'm gone.
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Marge Simpson : And so, just as things looked their worst...
Grampa Simpson : I realized I could make money selling my medication to dead-heads!
Marge Simpson : Grandpa, what are you talking about?
Grampa Simpson : Ohh... nothing.
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[to the tune of the "All in the Family" theme song]
Homer Simpson : Bart was feeling mighty blue,
Marge Simpson : It's asham what school can do,
Apu : For no reason here's Apu,
Homer Simpson , Marge Simpson , Apu : Those were the days!