The Simpsons (TV Series)

22 Short Films About Springfield (1996)

Harry Shearer: Sanjay, Radio Announcer, Mr. Burns, Smithers, Review Board Member, Jasper, Principal Skinner, Eddie, Herman, Rev. Lovejoy, Ned Flanders, Otto, Dr. Hibbert

Photos 

Quotes 

• Principal Skinner : Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers!

  Superintendant Chalmers : I thought we were having steamed clams.

  Principal Skinner : Oh, no, I said, "steamed hams". That's what I call hamburgers!

  Superintendant Chalmers : You call hamburgers "steamed hams"?

  Principal Skinner : Yes. It's a regional dialect.

  Superintendant Chalmers : Uh-huh. Er, what region?

  Principal Skinner : Uh, upstate New York.

  Superintendant Chalmers : Really? Well, I'm from Utica and I never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."

  Principal Skinner : Oh, not in Utica, no; it's an Albany expression.

  Superintendant Chalmers : I see.

  [Chalmers takes a bite of a "steamed ham"] 

  Superintendant Chalmers : You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.

  Principal Skinner : Oh, ho-ho, no! Patented Skinner Burgers. Old family recipe!

  Superintendant Chalmers : For steamed hams.

  Principal Skinner : Yes!

  Superintendant Chalmers : Yes, and you call them "steamed hams", despite the fact they are obviously grilled.

  [shows Skinner the grill marks] 

  Principal Skinner : Uh, yuh, I... you know, th... one thing I sh... 'scuse me for one second.

  [exits into the kitchen] 

  Superintendant Chalmers : Of course.

• Principal Skinner : [yawning after noticing his roast is burning his kitchen]  Aaahhhh! Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all - I'm pooped!

  Superintendant Chalmers : [checks his watch]  Yes, I should be...

  [sees Principal Skinner's kitchen on fire] 

  Superintendant Chalmers : GOOD LORD! WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?

  Principal Skinner : Aurora Borealis?

  Superintendant Chalmers : A... Aurora Borealis! At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?

  Principal Skinner : Yes!

  Superintendant Chalmers : [beat]  May I see it?

  Principal Skinner : No.

• Lou : I went to the McDonald's over in Shelbyville the other day.

  Chief Wiggum : The Mc-what?

  Lou : Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2,000 locations in this state alone.

  Eddie : Hmm... Must've sprung up over night.

  Lou : But you know, it's the little differences.

  Chief Wiggum : Example.

  Lou : Well, at a McDonald's you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.

  Chief Wiggum : Get out. What do they call it?

  Lou : A "Quarter Pounder" with cheese.

  Chief Wiggum : "Quarter Pounder" with cheese? Well, I can see the cheese but? do they have Krusty's "Partially Gelatinated, Non-Dairy, Gum-Based Beverages"?

  Lou : Yeah, they call them "shakes."

  Eddie : Huh. "Shakes." You don't know what you're gettin'.

• Superintendant Chalmers : Well, Seymour, I made it, despite your directions.

  Principal Skinner : Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.

  Superintendant Chalmers : Eh.

  Principal Skinner : [sees his oven smoking and his roast burning]  Oh, ye Gods! My roast is ruined!

  [looks out the window to a nearby Krusty Burger] 

  Principal Skinner : But, what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Delightfully devilish, Seymour!

• [Pulp Fiction Spoof: Snake is driving Lil' Bandit when he sees Chief Wiggum walk in front of him] 

  Chief Wiggum : [singing]  Donuts, I got donuts, I got...

  [Notices Snake] 

  Chief Wiggum : Hey I know you!

  [Snake purposely runs him over, crashes his car and then flees] 

  Chief Wiggum : Hey wait up! We gotta swap insurance info!

  [They chase each other into a pawn shop] 

  Herman : [Holding them at gunpoint]  Looks like the spider caught himself a couples of flies.

• Waylon Smithers : I'm allergic to bee stings, they cause me to... uh... die.

• Ned Flanders : Marge Simpson! Still makin' juice the old fashioned way?

  Lisa Simpson : No. I've got gum in my hair.

  Marge Simpson : [sighs]  We've tried everything. Olive oil, lemon juice, tartare sauce, chocolate syrup, gravy, bacon fat, hummus, baba ganoosh...

  Lisa Simpson : My scalp hurts from horsefly bites.

  Ned Flanders : Why don't you freeze it with an ice cube, and hit it with a hammer? Works for me when I get bubbly gum in the ol' pushbroom.

  [Indicates his moustache] 

  Lisa Simpson : That sounds OK.

  [Cut to Marge holding Lisa down on the kitchen table while Ned tries to hammer out the gum] 

  Lisa Simpson : Ah! Ah! Stop, stop!

  Ned Flanders : Hmm. I seem to have... mashed more hair into it. Oh, well.

• Mr. Burns : One more jostle, you wretched shirkaday.

• Mr. Burns : Smithers, you infernal ninny! Stick your left hoof on that flange now! Now if you can get it through your bug-addled brain, jam that second mephitic clodhopper of yours on the right doodad! Now pump those scrawny chicken legs, you stuporous funker!