The Simpsons (TV Series)

Separate Vocations (1992)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Machine Operator, Mayor Quimby, Groundskeeper Willie, Lawyer in Bart's Fantasy, Mr. Glascock, Panicking Teacher #2, Hippie

Quotes 

• Marge : Bart's grades are up a little this term. But Lisa's are way down.

  Homer : Oh, we always have one good kid and one lousy kid. Why can't both our kids be good?

  Marge : We have three kids, Homer.

  Homer : Marge, the dog doesn't count as a kid.

  Marge : No, Maggie.

  Homer : Oh, yeah.

• Principal Skinner : How would you like to be a hall monitor?

  Bart Simpson : Wouldn't that mean squealing on other kids?

  Principal Skinner : That's the meat of it.

  Bart Simpson : Hmm...

  [in Bart's daydream, he is testifying in a murder trial, his face and voice electronically disguised] 

  Prosecutor : Now, Witness X would you please tell the court what you saw?

  Bart's Electronically Altered Voice : I'd be more than happy to. I saw Mr. Montone there seal Mr. Palaccio in an oil drum and roll him off the pier.

  Mr. Montone : [pulls a knife]  I kill you!

  [he lunges toward the witness stand and grabs Bart] 

  Bart's Electronically Altered Voice : Ay, caramba!

  [back in reality] 

  Bart Simpson : ...I don't know.

• Mr. Flascock : This is a great day for me! I thought I could never teach again.

  Principal Skinner : Oh, times have changed. There will be no more mockery of your name, Mr. Flascock.

• Lisa : [Lisa's just discovered her future vocation after a career aptitude test.]  A homemaker! I might as well be dead!

  Marge : Lisa, it's not that bad.

  Homer : So, what are you gonna be, boy?

  Bart Simpson : Policeman.

  Homer : [Chokes on food.] 

  Marge : Oh, that's nice, Bart. You know, your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while, but they said he was too heavy.

  Homer : No, the army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb.