The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Front (1993)

Harry Shearer: Krusty's Chef, Scratchy, Retirement Home Employee, Principal Dondelinger, Rich Moore, Animation Awards Announcer, Audience Member #2, Ned Flanders

Quotes 

• Principal Dondelinger : All right, here are your exams. Fifty questions, True or False.

  Homer : True.

  Principal Dondelinger : Eh, homer, I was just describing the test.

  Homer : True.

  Principal Dondelinger : Look, Homer, just take the test, and you'll be fine.

  Homer : False.

• Principal Dondelinger : Now, I'm going to burn this doughnut to show you how many calories it has.

  Homer : Noooooo!

  Principal Dondelinger : The bright blue flame indicates this was a particularly sweet doughnut.

  Homer : This is not happening...

• [News has just gotten out that Homer never graduated] 

  Barney Gumble : Didn't graduate? How low can you get?

  Audience Member #2 : Barney, where's your cummerbund?

  Barney Gumble : [sadly]  It fell in the toilet.

• Lisa Simpson : [watching an "Itchy & Scratchy" cartoon]  This is a rather lifeless outing.

  Bart Simpson : Don't worry, they're building to something.

  Scratchy : [Itchy hits him with a mallet]  Ow.

  Itchy , Scratchy : Kids, say "no" to drugs.

  [they smile, and the cartoon ends] 

  Krusty the Clown : Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...

  [realizing the cameras are rolling] 

  Krusty the Clown : Hey, whoa, wasn't that great, kids?

  Lisa Simpson : That's as bad as the tasteless Itchy and Sambo cartoons of the late '30s. The writers should be ashamed of themselves.

  Bart Simpson : Cartoons have writers?

  Lisa Simpson : Yeah, sort of.

  Bart Simpson : Oh, yeah? Well, you and I could write a better cartoon than that.

  Lisa Simpson : [getting an idea]  Write a cartoon ourselves? Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

  Bart Simpson : Probably not.

  [in a thought bubble, he holds on a gun on Santa Claus] 

  Bart Simpson : Lie in the snow and count to 60.

  [as Santa does so, he climbs into Santa's sleigh and flies away with an evil laugh] 

  Bart Simpson : Merry Christmas, suckers!

• [the Adventures of Ned Flanders: Love That God] 

  Todd Flanders : We're not going to church today!

  Ned Flanders : *What*? You give me one good reason!

  Todd Flanders : It's Saturday!

  Ned Flanders : Okely-dokely-doo!

• Marge Simpson : Hello, Principal Dondelinger.

  Principal Dondelinger : Oh, Marge Bouvier, it's so good to see you. Sorry, sir. We're not letting vagrants sleep in the gym tonight, but we will be putting some scraps by the back door.

  Homer : D'oh!

  Principal Dondelinger : Oh, it's you, Simpson.

  [shaking his head] 

  Principal Dondelinger : Yeech.

• Bobby Mindich : And now, the award for most improved odor. Homer Simpson.

  Homer : Yes!

  Bobby Mindich : And the person who traveled the least distance to be here...

  [Southern accent] 

  Bobby Mindich : Well, kiss my grits. Homer Simpson.

  Homer : [accepting the award]  What can I say? It hasn't been easy staying in my rut.

  Principal Dondelinger : [clearing his throat]  Ahem. Class of '74, I was just, uh, leafing through your permanent records when I discovered something shocking. Homer Simpson never passed Remedial Science 1A and thus never graduated from high school. I'm sorry, Simpson, I'm gonna have to take back those awards.

• Krusty's Chef : Now, Krusty, I hear it's your birthday. So I got your mother's recipe for matzo balls.

  Krusty the Clown : Hey, I don't do the Jewish stuff on the air.

  Krusty's Chef : But, Herschel, bubelah...

  Krusty the Clown : [through gritted teeth]  Ixnay on the ew-jay.

• Principal Dondelinger : Welcome to Remedial Science 1A. My, uh, wife recently passed away. I thought teaching might ease my loneliness.

  Homer : Will this be on the test?

  Principal Dondelinger : No!

  Homer : [disappointed]  Oh.

  [he erases "dead wife" from his notebook] 

• Homer : Marge, I passed!

  Marge Simpson : That's wonderful, Homie.

  Homer : At our next high school reunion, I'll have nothing to be ashamed of.

  [flashforward to their 50th reunion in 2024] 

  Homer : Hello, Dondalinger.

  Principal Dondelinger : Simpson, is that a plunger stuck on your head?

  Homer : [Marge face-palms in embarrassment]  D'oh!

• Animation Awards Announcer : And now, to present the award for outstanding writing in a cartoon series, Krusty the Clown and Brooke Shields.

  Krusty the Clown : Well, here we are; the star of "The Blue Lagoon" and me, the blue-haired goon. What the...

  [double-checking the cue card] 

  Krusty the Clown : That's terrible.

  Brooke Shields : Cartoons have the power to make us laugh and to make us cry. Wouldn't you agree, Krusty?

  Krusty the Clown : First of all, my hair is green, not blue. I got nothing to work with here. Nothing.

  Brooke Shields : Uh...

  Krusty the Clown : [walking offstage]  Well, at least I can take off this girdle.