The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Homer They Fall (1996)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Indian #1, Kearney's Dad, Barney Gumble, Reporter #1, Reporter #4, Grampa Simpson, T-Shirt Vendor, Krusty the Clown, Referee, Fan Man

Quotes 

• Reporter #1 : Champ, do you feel remorse for your crime?

  Drederick Tatum : Oh, yes. Believe me, my god, if I could turn back the clock on my mother's stair-pushing, I would certainly, reconsider it.

  Reporter #2 : Drederick, ah, what do you think of Homer Simpson?

  Drederick Tatum : I think he's a good man. I like him. I got nothing against him, but I'm definitely gonna make orphans of his children.

  Reporter #3 : Uh, you know, they do have a mother, Champ?

  Drederick Tatum : Yes, but I would imagine that she would die of grief.

• Marge Simpson : Homer, you don't know how to box, you're 38 years old, and you haven't gotten any exercise since grade school. Of all the crazy ideas you've had, this one ranks somewhere in the middle. Before you even consider this, I insist you consult a doctor.

  Homer Simpson : No problemo.

  [kisses her and walks off] 

  Marge Simpson : [realizes]  A competent doctor!

  Homer Simpson : D'oh!

• Dr. Hibbert : You have an absolutely unique genetic condition known as "Homer Simpson" syndrome.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, why me?

• Homer Simpson : You used to be a boxer just like me?

  Moe Szyslak : Yup. They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe.

• Moe Szyslak : Are you man enough to test every one of your limits?

  Homer Simpson : Yes!

  Moe Szyslak : And are you man enough to throw a punch should the opportunity arise?

  Homer Simpson : Yes!

  Moe Szyslak : And are you man enough to give me a sixty percent cut?

  Homer Simpson : Yes!

  Moe Szyslak : I'll take it.

  Homer Simpson : Whoo-hoo!

• Homer Simpson : Son, there's only one thing punks like that understand: squealing. You've got to squeal to every teacher and every grown-up you can find. Coming to me was a good start.

• Moe Szyslak : Who's gonna knock you down?

  Homer Simpson : No one!

  Moe Szyslak : When are you gonna fight back?

  Homer Simpson : Never!

  Moe Szyslak : What are you gonna do?

  Homer Simpson : Nothing!

  Moe Szyslak : That's my boy!

• Moe Szyslak : Homer, I want you to have my lucky mitts. I hope you do better with them than I did.

  Homer Simpson : Gee, thanks, Moe. What's this?

  Moe Szyslak : Ah, that's the barbed wire. We called that the stinger. They, uh... they don't let you use that no more.

• Homer Simpson : I'll make a fortune for one night's work! We can have all the things we always dreamed of: a snooty butler, carpeted carports, those blue cupcakes they sell sometimes...

  Marge Simpson : But you'll get killed!

  Homer Simpson : Marge! Will you let me finish? Plug-in room deodorizers, front and rear spoilers for the car...

• Moe Szyslak : Somehow I just never made it to the big time.

  Homer Simpson : Why not?

  Moe Szyslak : 'Cause I got knocked out forty times in a row. That plus politics, you know, it's all politics.

• Marge Simpson : Night vision goggles? A bathroom scale from a soviet sub? A suede briefcase case? Anyone who needs this kind of status symbol must have some terrible emotional problems.

  Homer Simpson : [gasping]  Marge, look! "The world's best jacket." If I had this, it would show everybody!

  [vengefully] 

  Homer Simpson : Show everybody...!