The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Secret War of Lisa Simpson (1997)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson

Quotes 

• [the Simpsons pass a literature class at the academy] 

  Cadet in Poetry Class : Truth is beauty, beauty truth, sir!

  Lisa : They're discussing poetry! Oh, they never do that at my school.

  Poetry Instructor : But the truth can be harsh and disturbing! How can that be considered beautiful?

  Marge Simpson : Well, they sure sucked the fun out of that poem.

• Marge Simpson : [after Bart's prank]  Now, about your punishment, young man.

  Bart Simpson : I know. I'll go to my room and think about what I did.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, no. Your room is full of toys. You're going to, uh... the garage.

  Bart Simpson : [unbothered]  You're the boss.

• Marge Simpson : Well, it certainly was nice of you to accept Bart in the middle of a semester.

  The Commandant : Fortunately, we've had a couple of recent freak-outs, so that freed up a couple of bunks.

  Bart Simpson : "Freak-outs?"

  Homer Simpson : If, uh, that happens, are we still charged for the entire semester?

• [Bart's latest prank has shattered windows all over the city] 

  Homer Simpson : [shouting]  You've really done it this time, Bart! You're in for the punishment of a lifetime!

  Lisa : [shouting]  When do you expect the ringing will stop?

  Chief Wiggum : [checking his watch, shouting]  In about ten to fifteen seconds!

  Marge Simpson : [shouting]  I certainly hope-!

  [ringing stops] 

  Marge Simpson : -so!

  [covers her mouth, embarrassed; normal voice] 

  Marge Simpson : That's better.

• Homer Simpson : Son, for the last time, you're staying at military school!

  Lisa : And so am I.

  [the family gasps] 

  Lisa : This school has everything I ever wanted.

  Marge Simpson : Lisa, no! This place is just a jail for children.

  Bart Simpson : No jail can hold me!

  [he runs away; with a chirp, a Jeep driven by MPs passes with him in the back seat] 

• The Commandant : In our 185 years, we have never had a female cadet. Oh, but that seems to be the way the wind is blowing these days. After all, we have female singers, female motorists. Welcome aboard.

  Marge Simpson : Lisa, if you ever want to quit and come home, I'll be here in half a jif.

  Bart Simpson : I wanna quit and come home.

  [cut to Homer and Marge preparing to leave] 

  Bart Simpson : I wanna quit and come home.

  Marge Simpson : Oh, honey, I heard you the first time.