The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Secret War of Lisa Simpson (1997)

Harry Shearer: Sand Movie Narrator, Adlai Stevenson, Principal Skinner, Jasper

Quotes 

• [Bart is shipped off to military school] 

  Mrs. Krabappel : [pouring champagne]  You dream about this day for so long, then when it comes, you don't know what to say.

  Principal Skinner : Edna, your tears say more than words ever could.

• Orderly : [answering a phone call]  Simpson.

  Grampa Simpson : Hot diggity! I don't care if it's bad news.

  Lisa : Oh, Grampa, you're not busy, are you?

  Grampa Simpson : Well, you're really asking two questions there. The first one takes me back to 1934. Admiral Byrd had just reached the pole, only hours ahead of the Three Stooges.

  [later] 

  Grampa Simpson : And I guess he won the argument, but I walked away with the turnips. The following morning, I resigned my commission in the Coast Guard. The next thing I heard, there was civil war in Spain.

  [even later] 

  Grampa Simpson : And that's everything that happened in my life right up to the time I got this phone call.

  Lisa : Uh-huh. So, anything else you wanna talk about?

  Grampa Simpson : Oh, I'm afraid I'd just be repeating myself, honey. Anyway, other people need to use the phone.

  Jasper : [the other retirees express their disinterest]  Mm-mm. I've already talked to her for twenty damn minutes.

• Lisa : It's not my nature to complain, but so far today, we've had three movies, two filmstrips, and an hour and a half of magazine time. I just don't feel challenged.

  Principal Skinner : Of course, we can make things more challenging, Lisa, but then the stupider students would be in here complaining, furrowing their brows in a vain attempt to understand the situation.