The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Twisted World of Marge Simpson (1997)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Louie, Hans Moleman, Grampa, Little Yakuza Man

Quotes 

• Marge Simpson : How could you do this to someone you love?

  Homer Simpson : How could I not? I saw you pouring your heart and soul into this business and getting nowhere, I saw you desperately trying to cram one more salty treat into America's already-bloated snack hole, so I did what I could. I did what any loving husband would do: I reached out to some violent mobsters.

• Fat Tony : Sorry we're late. Can we have the money now?

  Marge Simpson : The answer is no.

  Fat Tony : I'm afraid I must insist. You see, my wife, she has been most vocal on the subject of the pretzel monies. "Where is the money?" "When are you going to get the money?" "Why aren't you getting the money now?" And so on.

  [moving forward menacingly] 

  Fat Tony : So please, the money.

  Homer Simpson : You heard her. She said no.

  Fat Tony : Legs, Louie, advance on them.

• Fat Tony : Greetings, Homer.

  Homer Simpson : Hey, Fat Tony. You still with the Mafia?

  Fat Tony : Uh, yes, I am. Thank you for asking. Now, Homer, as you no doubt recall, you were done a favor by our, uh, how shall I say, Mafia crime syndicate.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, yeah.

  Fat Tony : Now the time has come for you to do us a favor.

  Homer Simpson : You mean the Mob only did me a favor to get something in return? Oh, Fat Tony...

  [turning his back] 

  Homer Simpson : I will say good day to you, sir.

  Fat Tony : [ashamed]  Okay, I will go.

  [going outside] 

  Fat Tony : Hey, wait a minute.

• Moe Szyslak : [serving a beer]  Here you go, Homer.

  Homer Simpson : [putting a $50 bill on the bartop]  Thanks, Moe.

  Moe Szyslak : Ah, Homer, you know your money's no good here. Hey, wait a minute. This is real money!

• Homer Simpson : Hey, what's all that commotion outside? Why, it's one of those pretzel wagons the movie stars are always talking about.

  Lenny : Here? At our plant?

  Homer Simpson : That's right, Lenny. Let's all give in to deliciousness the pretzel wagon way.

  Lenny : [cheering with their co-workers]  That's pretzeltastic.

  Homer Simpson : Let's go. Yeah. Homer's right.

• Marge Simpson : Your franchise, how much?

  Frank Ormand : $500.

  Marge Simpson : I'll take it!

  Frank Ormand : Congratulations, and welcome to the dynamic world of mobile pretzel retailing.

  Marge Simpson : When can I start? What's my territory?

  Frank Ormand : Eh, territory... well... well, let me tell you: wherever a young mother is ignorant of what to feed her baby, you'll be there. Wherever nacho penetration is less than total, you'll be there. Wherever a Bavarian is not quite full, you will be there.

  Marge Simpson : Don't forget fat people. They can't stop eating.

  Homer Simpson : [spotting the cart]  Hey, pretzels!

• Homer Simpson : [in church]  You're my last hope. I've never reached out to you before, but my wife is in her hour of need. Your help could make all the difference in the world.

  Fat Tony : Okay.

  Louie : See, boss? I told you that ad in the church bulletin would pay off.

• Royce McCutcheon : Well, that's the miracle of the franchise. You get all the equipment and know-how you need, plus a familiar brand name people trust. You'll be on a rocket ride to the moon. And while you're there, would you pick up some of that nice green moon money for me, Royce McCutcheon?

  Homer Simpson : No deal, McCutcheon. That moon money is mine.

• Marge Simpson : And then they gave me back my $500 investment and kicked me out of the club.

  Homer Simpson : Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Back up a bit now. When are the pancakes coming in the mail?

  Marge Simpson : Well, maybe it's all for the best.

  Homer Simpson : What do you need money for, anyway? As long as I have my earning power, this family's got nothing to worry about.

  [accidentally poking himself in the eye with his hot dog] 

  Homer Simpson : Oww! Oh! Call work and tell them I won't be in tomorrow.

• Disco Stu : Did you know that disco record sales were up 400% for the year ending 1976? If these trends continue... aayyy!

  Homer Simpson : [he puts his platform shoes up on the tabletop]  Uh, your fish are dead.

  Disco Stu : Yeah, I know. I can't get them out of there.

• Marge Simpson : Homer, did you tell the Mafia they could eliminate my competitors with savage beatings and attempted murder?

  Homer Simpson : In those words? Yes.

• Edna Krabappel : Well, well, if it isn't Marge Simpson and her gangland cronies.

  Maude Flanders : Your goon squad certainly gave you the edge in the mobile snack business. But I'm afraid we've outdone you once again. Hiroshi, Yukio.

  [unveiling a group of Japanese men] 

  Maude Flanders : Perhaps you've heard of the Yakuza, the Poison Fists of the Pacific Rim? The Japanese mafia.

  Agnes Skinner : They'll kill you five times before you hit the ground!

  Fat Tony : [the two groups begin fighting]  Take that. Take this.

  [getting hit in the face with a nunchuck] 

  Fat Tony : Come here, you little squirt.

  Marge Simpson : Ooh, Homie, maybe we should go inside.

  Homer Simpson : But, Marge, that little guy hasn't done anything yet.

  [indicating a short Japanese man in a white suit] 

  Homer Simpson : Look at him. He's gonna do something and you know it's gonna be good.

  [as Marge takes him back inside, the man kiais loudly, a blow landing is heard, followed by a body thudding to the ground] 

  Homer Simpson : [disappointed]  Aw...

• Homer Simpson : You must hate me, Marge. Every time I try to help, I just fail miserably.

  Marge Simpson : Oh, I don't hate you for failing. I love you for trying.

  Lisa Simpson : [coming in with Bart]  What's going on outside?

  Marge Simpson : Oh, it's just a Mob war. Go back to sleep, honey.

• Grampa : I had that dream again!

• Homer Simpson : Marge needs help... and God knows I'm not the man to provide it. But I know who can.