- Nate: You only get one life. There's no God, no rules, except for those you accept or create for yourself. Then once it's over... it's over. Dreamless sleep forever and ever. So why not be happy while you're here?
- Claire Fisher: I'm *not* drunk.
- Kirsten: It seems like you are.
- Claire Fisher: I'm not.
- Kirsten: Claire, you fell asleep at your desk this morning, twice, and I can smell it.
- Claire Fisher: You can't smell vodka.
- Kirsten: I can.
- Claire Fisher: Anyway, you're being a little fucking bitch.
- Kirsten: Alright, Claire, we're all really sorry that your brother died.
- Claire Fisher: Really?
- Kirsten: Yeah, really, but you've been drunk or high at work, like, every day this week and it's starting to scare people. I mean, I've told them all to give you a break, but ...
- Claire Fisher: Well this doesn't feel like much of a fucking break... 'Kirsten', being followed into the bathroom and lectured at by some school teacher.
- Kirsten: Just go home for the day and sleep it off, okay? I won't tell.
- Claire Fisher: You won't tell?
- Kirsten: No.
- Claire Fisher: Who won't you 'tell?'
- Kirsten: Human Resources.
- Claire Fisher: If you wanna fucking tell...
- Kirsten: Alright, I'll tell Human Resources!
- Claire Fisher: Goddammit, go! Tell! Tell! Tell!
- Kirsten: Okay! I am wicked pissed! You are gonna be so fired!
- Claire Fisher: Yeah, well, I'm fucking Ted.
- Kirsten: ...no way.
- Claire Fisher: Way.
- Kirsten: Marianne and Johnny ...
- Claire Fisher: Didn't wanna hurt your feelings. Sorry.
- Durrell: This movie's gay.
- David Fisher: What is gay, Durell? Really. What is gay?
- Durrell: Movies with no talking.