- Notch Johnson: [after a racecar crashes] Well, this is the price you pay when you sign on to be a 3/4 midget racer.
- Chip Rommel: I'll notify his next of kin, chief.
- Notch Johnson: Easier said than done, Chip. He's English, so there are no dental records.
- Mayor Anita Massengil: You know what your problem is, Clark? You're too clean-cut. You don't flaunt what God gave you. If you're open for business, you gotta do a little advertising.
- Kimberlee Clark: [uncomfortable] Uh, you know, I really don't want any help.
- Kody Massengil: [she leaves] Oh, no, don't shut us out, Kimberlee. We know how to get men.
- Nicorette: Jacques, is winning so important that you must flambé the other drivers?
- Jacques Douche: We need that million dollars. Is it my fault we invested in that John Travolta Scientology movie? He was a big star. And then poof. Our entire life savings down the bidet.