- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I work hard all day to pay for this six thousand-square foot house, big-screen TVs, food on the table, video games, all kinds of scooters and bicycles, Columbia University, and for what? To come home to this?
- A.J. Soprano: Sucks to be you.
- [slaps AJ]
- Carmela Soprano: [gasps] My God, Tony!
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: There's more where that came from! We're starting a new regime around here!
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: [crying over the telephone] Tony, please. I'm sorry. Please don't hang up. For my dad, if not for me.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, he's been dead two years. As a matter of fact, the expiration date was last week, and on all your bullshit with that.
- Kelli Aprile: My brother's whole stupid, pathetic dream was to follow in our father's footsteps. I gotta paint a picture? He was killed by some fat fuck in see-through socks.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Sad day.
- Junior Soprano: Mm hmm. Kid was always a dumb fuck though, wasn't he? Didn't he almost drown in three inches of water?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: The penguin exhibit. Jack always tried to lay off all Jackie's problems on a learning disorder, but...
- [thinks for a moment]
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, stupidity would be a learning disorder, wouldn't it?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [opens the compact fridge, slams it and gives it a good kicking] I been dreaming of that fucking lo mein all the way the fuck over here. Now, who came in here and ate my shit?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [referring to the sit down he requested with Silvio and Tony] you're late
- Ralph Cifaretto: [as he sits down] well, tomorrow I can be on time, but you'll be stupid forever
- Tony Soprano: My son, has panic attacks, now obviously we can't send him to military school, pediatrician said, his got that putrid rotten fuckin Soprano gene
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's a slight tick in his Fight-or-flight response, it doesn't "brand" him as anything
- Tony Soprano: You know it comes down through the ages because I remember hearing about my great, great, great grandfather, drove a mule cart over a mountain road. He was transporting these valuable jugs of olive oil, and has a panic attack
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: When you blame your genes, your really blaming yourself and that's what we should be talking about
- Tony Soprano: Fuckin Verbum Dei School, it turns out it happened before but they didn't tell us, idiot nurse she diagnosed it as dehydration from football practice. Can you believe they did not inform the parents? I prefer to resolve things directly but this time I'm going to sue
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well, that's your right
- Tony Soprano: [Tearfully sighs]
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Anthony?
- Tony Soprano: [as she moves the tissue box closer to him, before shaking his head] you don't understand
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Make me understand
- Tony Soprano: We can't send him to that place
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Yes?
- Tony Soprano: How are we going to save this kid?
- [Meadow reproves her cousin for making careless accusatory comments about how Jackie Jr. died]
- Meadow Soprano: Our dads are in the garbage business, and it's always good for a laugh. And, yeah, they brush up against organised crime. But, do you think they control every slime ball and illegal gun in like a hundred communities? The fact that you would even say this in front of an outsider is amazing to me! Jesus Christ, some loyalty?
- [while shopping for a dress for Jackie Aprile Jr.'s funeral, Adriana carelessly divulges several private details to her newfound friend, whom the audience knows is an undercover FBI Agent]
- Adriana La Cerva: Miss? Can you tell me where I can find something more dressy? Not evening, but muted?
- Saleswoman: I'll go look.
- FBI Agent Deborah Ciccerone/Danielle Ciccolella: [approches Adriana] They have this great, little black cocktail I saw over there.
- Adriana La Cerva: Hmmm. Those I have. Thing is, it's for a funeral.
- FBI Agent Deborah Ciccerone/Danielle Ciccolella: Oh. I'm so sorry.
- Adriana La Cerva: Yeah. Guy was, like, 22.
- FBI Agent Deborah Ciccerone/Danielle Ciccolella: Car accident?
- Adriana La Cerva: Actually, murder. It was a cousin of mine. Anyway, the last time I went to a funeral, my boyfriend bitched me out over what I wore to his boss's mother's wake. I said, 'Come on! You think Tony even noticed for, like, one minute what I had on?' But he keeps on about everything!
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while reading through military school brochures during dinner] now this I like, "Highly Structured Environment."
- Carmela Soprano: Which one is that?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: H.M.I. Hudson Military Institute: "A Second Century of Excellence."
- A.J. Soprano: I never said I was going
- Carmela Soprano: We're just looking honey
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: We're looking, and then your going
- Carmela Soprano: [Answering the phone when it rang] hello? Oh, hi Marie, no, oh my God. Where's Rosalie?
- Marie: She's right here, she can't come to the phone
- Carmela Soprano: Tell her I'll be there as soon as I can
- Carmela Soprano: [after hanging up] oh my God
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What is it?
- Carmela Soprano: Jackie Jr. was shot to death in the Boonton projects by drug dealers.
- Carmela Soprano: [while running out the kitchen] I'm going over to Rosalie's
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to A.J., after Carmella left, implying this is what happens when teenagers don't apply themselves academically and commit crimes] you see?
- Carmela Soprano: [after Tony slapped AJ causing him to run upstairs] The school guidance counselor said this might be a cry for help
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, come on will ya?
- Carmela Soprano: She recommended a school in New Brunswick: Bernwod Dei, it's for troubled kids. There's a psychologist right on staff
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No, no more fuckin schools that coddle him. His going to military school
- Carmela Soprano: What?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's right I got some brochures
- Carmela Soprano: You got school brochures?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah from Janice. She was going to send Harpo there but she didn't have the money and it was too fuckin late
- Carmela Soprano: I'm not sending him away
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: We're looking at those brochures!
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [as AJ walks down the stairs in a military uniform] oh, Sgt. Bilko
- Carmela Soprano: [Chastising him for teasing AJ] Tony
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Your right. I'm sorry. You shouldn't get too gloomy about this
- Carmela Soprano: [Admiring him his appearance] My God Anthony, you know what? You look very handsome
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: She's right. You do
- A.J. Soprano: Yeah, right
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Referring to the slang term for the latissimus dorsi muscles] No, I'm serious. Tight suit like that shows off your lats
- Carmela Soprano: Put on the hat?
- A.J. Soprano: No way
- Carmela Soprano: Please? You look so cute at the store
- A.J. Soprano: They're not going to sew the hat
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Put the hat on for your mother
- A.J. Soprano: No!
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Quickly stands up from the couch] what'd you say?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after AJ put on the hat] Now, look at that. I'm serious you look very impressive
- Carmela Soprano: My God, if I wasn't already married
- A.J. Soprano: [after looking at himself in the mirror] I look like a total jerk-off
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You do not. What're you crying?
- A.J. Soprano: I don't want to go there
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You need toughing up
- Carmela Soprano: [while trying to adjust the bottom of his slacks] stand up straight
- A.J. Soprano: I'm standing fuckin straight
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Pointing at him] hey, you keep it up God damn it!
- Carmela Soprano: [while arguing on whether to send AJ to military school] to train him to be a professional killer?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, will you stop? Their soldiers and the United States army hardly goes to war anymore
- Carmela Soprano: They were marching with rifles Tony
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: They're symbolic
- Carmela Soprano: Symbolic of what?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [shouts] respect!
- Carmela Soprano: He will be subjected to the discipline of kids hardly older than himself, does that seem smart? Boys his age kill frogs and small animals
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Referring to their neighbor's pet] the Cusamano's Binky? The cherry bomb with the nails, you think that was AJ?
- Carmela Soprano: No, that is what I'm trying to tell you. He is still a child, his a normal child, his made some mistakes, and God knows his got a shit load to learn about life. But that does not mean I'm going to let you send him to the type of school whose whole reason for being is to make him follow orders by instilling fear
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: He thinks the world owes him a fuckin living
- Carmela Soprano: [Sarcastically] what could given him that bizarre idea?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: We tried it your way for fifteen years now, validating his feelings and that fuckin school did the same thing: and what a surprise, he thinks the world runs on his feelings. Well, his going to learn how to be a man
- Carmela Soprano: I will not send him to that place
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Grabbing the pillows from her implying his going to sleep on the couch for the night] oh, fuck that allow me
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [before a sit down requested by Paulie, referring to Ralph not arriving on time] I got here first? Cocksucker
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: sit down, relax, have a coffee, he'll be here
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I think I got ma situated
- Silvio Dante: the Brother Joe home?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [referring to the odor] nah, fuck that, we went there, almost gagged. Nah, we're gonna go with Greene Grove, based on your recommendation, Tone
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I never recommended it
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: yeah, you did, when your ma there. By the way, did she have the Silver Bird package?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [uninterested] I don't know
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: you know, Sil, it's the most expensive nursing home in the state
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's a retirement community
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: the level of care they have, ma was crying
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: eight grand a month?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: who gives a fuck? You see a seeing eye dog over here? Cup full of pencils?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm not trying to insult you, I'm just saying
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: It'll be tough but I'll figure it out: worth every fucking penny, I'm the hero now
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [to Ralph when he arrives] you're late
- Ralph Cifaretto: [before Paulie tries to lunge at him for the insult] well, tomorrow I can be on time, but you'll be stupid forever
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Paulie while holding him back] hey, sit down
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Ralph] sit the fuck down and shut up
- Silvio Dante: so, who wants to talk first?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: what's to fucking talk about? I'm owed that fifty g's
- Ralph Cifaretto: [raises his voice] fucking alarm code? Fifty g's? Five tops, maybe? As a finder's fee?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Freaking heist fell in your lap: you spend your days fucking those fat pigs in the outer office at the carpenters union
- Ralph Cifaretto: three mill a year from construction this family sees
- Silvio Dante: alright, five is the negotiating platform, take it easy
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Ralph's crew] It's not five we all know that: these guys did the heavy lifting
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Little Paulie was good to go, fucking car never came. They left him waiting outside his house like an asshole in fucking eleven-degree weather
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after thinking it over] Ralph, give him 12k
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I can't believe this
- Ralph Cifaretto: why not? Last year you believed that flying saucers were over East Rutherford
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Ralph, irritated from his insults] I'm not gonna tell you again
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: T, I'm asking you to reconsider this
- Silvio Dante: [replying for Tony] Paulie, you requested a sit down, he heard you out
- Carmela Soprano: Now, you liked Jackie, so you don't want to believe that he did this to himself. So, like a lot of other people, you go around looking for bogeymen to blame - bogeymen with Italian names.
- Ralph Cifaretto: [referring to the amount of money he robbed from a safe] nice haul, crackin that strong box, almost a 100k
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: where's my half? Fuckin week now
- Ralph Cifaretto: well, let's see, after you kick upstairs, you'll net...
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [interrupts him] what're you, my accountant?
- Ralph Cifaretto: I'm better at numbers than nine tenths of your accountants
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: kind of in our ears in the respect department, aren't you?
- Ralph Cifaretto: fuck you talkin about?
- Silvio Dante: [referring to Jackie Jr., then Christopher and Furio] your future step son, robbed your card game, he pissed on your leg, killed your dealer, shot at two made guys
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [points to Paulie and Silvio] A, you're talking shit that's none of your business and B, I'm gonna give that little fuck a beating he'll never forget, as soon as we locate him
- Silvio Dante: his in the housing project in fuckin Boonton
- Ralph Cifaretto: [ignores Sil, to Paulie] so, this fifty, g's, you think you deserve it?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: deserve? It's my territory
- Ralph Cifaretto: [meeting privately in Tony's car] Economic downturn, that's all you hear about but not you boy. You got three hundred g's at the Esplanade
- Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: Yeah, good job
- Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [as Ralphie takes off his seatbelt] Jackie Jr. call you?
- Ralph Cifaretto: no, why?
- Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: He called me
- Ralph Cifaretto: oh, I'm sorry
- Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: No, don't apologize. Anyway, I told him to take it up with you
- Ralph Cifaretto: what'd you want me to do? You're the boss of the family...
- Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [interrupts him] whoa, whoa, we talked about this: you were gonna give him a "pass"? But he should know, you don't want to create confusion, insubordination, but more importantly, your decision should happen in a "timely fashion"
- Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [after Ralph sighs and nods] But fuck it, why am I telling you? You know all this: you're a captain: chain of command is very important in our "thing"
- Ralph Cifaretto: I'm sorry he called your house
- Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [sternly] Don't apologize
- Ralph Cifaretto: [over the phone, referring to the cost for fixing her car] how could it be thirty-two hundred dollars?
- Rosalie Aprile: [referring to her mechanic] He said the transmission was completely "compromised"
- Ralph Cifaretto: I've never even heard of that, I want my guy to take a look at it
- Rosalie Aprile: I already told this guy to go ahead
- Ralph Cifaretto: Well, then call him back, tell him not to, tell him we're picking up the car
- Ralph Cifaretto: [after Vito gives Ralph a nod, implying he successfully killed Jackie Jr] Forget it, I don't care: let him do it
- Rosalie Aprile: Are you sure honey?
- Ralph Cifaretto: [before Roe hangs up] What the fuck did I say? Look, I'm coming home late, I got some shit I gotta do
- Junior Soprano: [referring to the low number of people attending Jackie Jr.'s wake at Nuovo Vesuvio] Look at this crappy turnout, you know if Jackie Sr. was still Acting Boss, with a child passed away, this place would be filled to the rafters: flowered cars up and down the block, no matter what the boy had done
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Bobby says you're out from under the house arrest, congratulations
- Junior Soprano: My fuckin lawyer was finally able to demonstrate I'm not a "flight risk". Flight risk? I've been farting into the same sofa cushion for the last eighteen months, my RICO trial is coming up
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: At least you're out and can eat regular food again
- Junior Soprano: Fuckin illness changed my whole view point. I'm gonna "stop and smell the roses"
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: We all should, I mean what the fuck?
- Carmela Soprano: [after waking her up] Your father and I have to drive AJ up to Hudson Institute for his interview... I would feel better if you were up and moving
- Meadow Soprano: Jackie is dead and you perseverate on a secondary school
- Carmela Soprano: I was up half the night with Roe and this morning her sister and I made all the funeral arrangements. Your brother doesn't have a school, he can't be allowed to sit around all day to chat on the web with the other dropouts and "flakes"
- Meadow Soprano: [referring to Jackie Jr] You know, he's the first person my own age I knew that ever died
- Carmela Soprano: He knew all the risks involved
- Meadow Soprano: [referring to ecstasy] What, the ex? Half the kids I know take it: You have to get it from someone, it's not something you get killed over
- Carmela Soprano: Except that he did
- Meadow Soprano: Or not
- Carmela Soprano: meaning?
- Meadow Soprano: Look at who he grew up with, look at who his father was, look at everybody we know
- Carmela Soprano: Let's not get "cute"
- Meadow Soprano: [sarcastically] When I'm being "cute", I'll let you know
- Carmela Soprano: You liked Jackie, so you don't want to believe that he did this to himself. So, like a lot of other people, you go around looking for bogeymen to blame: bogeymen with Italian names. So, whatever your thinking, you just stop thinking it right now because that is not what happened
- Carmela Soprano: You, ok?
- Meadow Soprano: yeah
- Carmela Soprano: [driving from Rosalie Aprile's home] You had a few drinks over there: we all could use it
- Meadow Soprano: I was thinking before about what you once said how you have to "max out" the good times with the people you love? God, that is so true
- Carmela Soprano: Actually, your father said that
- Meadow Soprano: Anyway, when you look at how people deal with each other, even families, like Jackie's family
- Carmela Soprano: what about them?
- Meadow Soprano: They were never there for him. I mean Aunt Roe's sweet but she's like hello? Uncle Jackie? It's narcissistic: they let him do whatever he wants and you'd ask him "Aren't you afraid what your parents are gonna say?" and he would just go " They don't give a shit" but I think it hurts his feelings inside
- Carmela Soprano: Well, I'm glad you see
- Meadow Soprano: [sarcastically, irritated] Yeah, right, your glad I see? What you take from this is an excuse to get intrusive and controlling: that's not what I'm talking about, Jesus!
- Carmela Soprano: What did I say? You are out from under our roof
- Meadow Soprano: AJ then, use it against him
- Carmela Soprano: against him?
- Meadow Soprano: I'm sorry I said anything
- Johnny Sack: [greeting him in the parking lot of Nuovo Vesuvio, jokingly] In the museum of noses, there goes the freaking Mona Lisa
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [surprised to see him] The fuck you doing out here?
- Johnny Sack: [referring to his wife and smoking] Ginny thinks I quit
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [jokingly, referring to amount of power John has but is still afraid of his wife] Jesus Christ, fuckin underboss of a Five Family
- Johnny Sack: [referring to her becoming angry with him smoking] Ginny could get heavy
- Johnny Sack: [seeing him disappointed] What's the matter?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Nah, nothin
- Johnny Sack: You can tell Uncle John
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [referring to the dispute between Paulie and Ralphie] Fuckin Tony, he knows my mother's ill, then he rules against me in this Morristown bullshit, maybe you heard about it?
- Johnny Sack: [shakes his head, referring to interfering with Soprano crime family matters] I don't stick my beak in
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Since Ralphie's been bringing him all this Esplanade money, you think I was carrying a load in my pants, the way Tony sticks his nose up when I'm around
- Johnny Sack: Nah
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I'm not insensitive, I hurt too
- Johnny Sack: You think Tony plays favorites like that?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What do I say to ma? She thinks she's going to this paradise of nursing homes, same one he put his mother's feet up, by the way
- Johnny Sack: Don't confuse money with caring. Look how Tony treated her, I mean, he's my dear friend but come on
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I was just saying that to Junior that maybe Tony fundamentally don't respect the elderly?
- Johnny Sack: You said that to Junior? What're you making him? A nest? You know Carmine too, sometimes he gets frustrated with Tony and Ralphie: it's that generation. He thinks the whole Esplanade thing, as rich as it is, wasn't handled right risk-wise
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: How is Carmine?
- Johnny Sack: He asks about you
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Give him my love
- Johnny Sack: I will: he'll like hearing that. His not as well as he could be you know?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: If there is anything I could ever do... anything, he shouldn't hesitate
- Johnny Sack: [nods] I'll tell him
- Major Zwingli: [First meeting privately without AJ's parents] stealing an exam that's quite a personal defeat isn't it?
- A.J. Soprano: It was wrong
- Major Zwingli: That sounds pre-programmed. Is that how you saw your future self? When you were a younger man? A cheat?
- A.J. Soprano: No
- Major Zwingli: How'd you explain it?
- A.J. Soprano: There's like all this academic pressure about getting into college, my school their like obsessed
- Major Zwingli: Is "like academic pressure" or academic pressure?
- A.J. Soprano: There's all this pressure, my parents too. My sister goes to Columbia and I know my parents expect me to go
- Major Zwingli: Around here we call that "stinking thinking" precisely the same as an alcoholic. No one puts that drink to his lips but himself
- A.J. Soprano: I'm not an alcoholic
- Major Zwingli: How do we do things different here at HMI than at your former school?
- A.J. Soprano: I don't know
- Major Zwingli: Well, I realize you don't know I'm about to tell you. At your school and it's not a bad school your right there's too much emphasis on what's good for you. What's good for Johnny, what's good for Janie? Here, the higher good is the corps as general MacArthur said in his farewell address at the Point: "the corps, the corps, the corps."
- A.J. Soprano: [Nods]
- Major Zwingli: [while pointing to a blackboard listing their daily schedule] now how do we achieve this revolutionary change in thinking on your part? Cadet corps has first call in formation at O' five thirty each day, march in formation to first mess to O' six twenty, followed by dorm inspection O' seven hundred, classes to O' eight hundred to fourteen forty, athletic formation fifteen hundred except Thursdays, which is "drill" or "commander's time", nineteen hundred to twenty-one hundred is evening study time, taps lights out: twenty-two hundred hours what's missing? Give up? Television
- A.J. Soprano: What's O' five thirty mean?
- Major Zwingli: 5:30AM
- Major Zwingli: [after AJ rolls his eyes] I just outlined for you a blue print for total self discipline that will take you through your entire life and that's your only question?
- A.J. Soprano: Why do guys in the army, or like spies use that "O" thing to tell time?
- Major Zwingli: That will be abundantly made clear to you, for now we have an expression around here: keep it simple
- Major Zwingli: I for one think Anthony can greatly benefit from our program which as I candidly told him is very rigorous
- Carmela Soprano: I will be very frank with you Major Zwingli, I do not agree with this hard-nosed discipline
- Carmela Soprano: Mother's seldom do until he starts opening doors for you and pulling back your chair
- Tony Soprano: Now that'd be a miracle, that's something we thought we could hope for
- Carmela Soprano: What about creativity Tony? Independent thought?
- Major Zwingli: I stressed rather heavily with Anthony notions of duty and group think but I didn't think for now mention the army's motto of today: Be an Army of One
- Carmela Soprano: Why be an army at all? How about a veterinarian? Isn't there enough war? Amputees? Horrible displaced...
- Tony Soprano: [Interrupts her] his just going to march around a little bit
- Major Zwingli: I wouldn't get too hung up on the marching aspect, its part of it but it's nothing compared to the mentoring that comes through small class size, faculty involvement, and dorm life
- Carmela Soprano: Well, that sounds wonderful certainly
- Major Zwingli: We've created too many options for our kids you can't blame them for being confused and when things go wrong we file them off to the ever burgeoning for profit substance recovery industry
- Tony Soprano: This "Army of One" thing, what happens when each army of one decides "fuck it I'm not going over the top of the fox hole" or blew the lieutenant's head off? Because they've been told "be an army of one"
- Major Zwingli: I would submit Audie Murphy was an army of one
- Carmela Soprano: [to Tony] is that what we're preparing him for? A career in the military?
- Tony Soprano: No, no
- Major Zwingli: One day at a time
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Referring to the age Jackie Jr. died] twenty-two years old. Living in the housing project. Imagine the shame for the family? Fortunately they were no longer boyfriend and girlfriend
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: How's your daughter taking it?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Not very well
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You certainly saw it coming with this boy didn't you?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Slightly nods] in the end, I failed him but what the fuck are you going to do? The world today. I'll tell you one thing though: I'm not going to make the same mistake with AJ. Got expelled, we're sending him to military school
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You know we never exactly discussed what you want for your children
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I don't want them to end up in Booton with their face blown off
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You followed your father's into his business
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I didn't have a choice. I try to make sure my kids have every opportunity. Meadow's going to Columbia for Christ's sake. She wants to be some kind of professional woman: like you
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: A psychiatrist?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: And have to listen to guys like me whine all day? She mentioned being a pediatrician once
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You'd like that?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah I would like something like that but the important thing is that she get far away from me. She could live close
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I think I understand, and your son?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: AJ? In my business? Forget it, he'd never make it
- Principal Cincotta: [In his office, to AJ and Egon, showing them their tests] imagine neither of you ever got so much as a passing grade on any geometry test and then the mid-term. Sister Agnes shared these with me: both of you ninety-six percent. Remarkable, I'd like to call your parents and share the good news with them
- A.J. Soprano: Oh, you really don't have to
- Principal Cincotta: What do you want to tell me? If you cooperate now, it'll be easier later
- Principal Cincotta: [Referring to the janitor] I don't have to waste my time with you, it was both your urine that Mr. Lugumo spent two hours scrubbing. Your DNA was an exact match
- Egon Kosma: [Begins to cry] oh, Jesus
- A.J. Soprano: His the one who peed first! I didn't even have to pee until he did it. I could take another test. You can watch me
- Meadow Soprano: [Jokingly, after answering the phone while studying in her dorm] Taco Bell
- A.J. Soprano: Hi
- Meadow Soprano: Hey
- A.J. Soprano: There's something I've got to tell you
- Meadow Soprano: I heard
- A.J. Soprano: How?
- Meadow Soprano: Like mom's not totally going to tell me you got expelled?
- A.J. Soprano: Not that
- Meadow Soprano: I heard you "cracked" to the cop everything
- A.J. Soprano: They had my DNA
- Meadow Soprano: Moron, it takes like six weeks to get DNA tests
- A.J. Soprano: Shit
- Meadow Soprano: I've got to go
- A.J. Soprano: No, I didn't tell you yet
- Meadow Soprano: What?
- A.J. Soprano: Jackie was doing a drug deal with some black dudes and they shot him, his like dead