The Sopranos (TV Series)

Everybody Hurts (2002)

John Ventimiglia: Artie Bucco

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ralph Cifaretto : [refusing to loan Artie money after he asked for it]  I hate to do it, Artie. But I think I'm going to pass.

  Artie Bucco : Why not?

  Ralph Cifaretto : Cause if you don't pay me back, I ain't gonna be able to hurt ya.

• Artie Bucco : [as Tony arrives to visit him in the hospital]  oh Jesus

  Tony Soprano : What happened?

  Artie Bucco : [Referring to the investment he tried to make with Jean-Philippe]  it went to shit. The "Next Vodka."

  Tony Soprano : [Referring to his suicide attempt]  so, this is what you do?

  Artie Bucco : You don't understand. The money is gone

  Tony Soprano : Can't you come talk to me? Hey, I'm your friend. Suppose you hadn't been able to reach me and I come over to your house and I find you dead, how am I supposed to feel?

  Artie Bucco : [Before crying]  take the restaurant

  Tony Soprano : I don't want the fuckin restaurant

  Artie Bucco : How am I going to pay you back? Fifty thousand dollars, it'd take the rest of my life

  Tony Soprano : It's fifty-one five, "vig"-wise, and technically you already missed a payment. Alright, look, we'll wipe my tab at the restaurant

  Artie Bucco : Thank you, Tony, that's what? Six-thousand dollars? What about the rest of the money?

  Tony Soprano : I'll assume the guy's debt. Collecting fifty G's

  Artie Bucco : Thank you. The "cobwebs" are now removed"

  Tony Soprano : The fuck you talking about?

  Artie Bucco : You saw this whole thing didn't you? You knew exactly what was going to happen. You can see twenty moves down the road. Please, I don't blame you, I envy you. It's like an instinct: like a hawk sees a little mouse moving around in a corn field from a mile up

  Tony Soprano : You think it's my fault you're fuckin lying in here?

  Artie Bucco : It's just that somebody mentions fifty grand to bankroll a French thief and your mind goes through all the permutations at like internet speed and realizes "oh worst case scenario, I eat for free"

  Tony Soprano : You fuckin suicide, you're disgraceful

  Artie Bucco : I'm sorry

  Tony Soprano : No fuck that, is there anybody else know that it was me I loaned you the money?

  Artie Bucco : Like who?

  Tony Soprano : Like who? I don't give a fuck who: Adriana, Father Intintola, my wife, anybody?

  Tony Soprano : [after Artie shakes his head]  You got mugged outside your house. It was a "street crime", kids, they took the wallet and your watch. Where are they?

  Artie Bucco : Why?

  Tony Soprano : Why? You don't care what people think? Well I do. Enough people hate me. You fought back. They ripped your earring out of your ear, you were bleeding, and went inside your house. You took a bunch of pills to kill the pain because you knew you had to wait at the emergency room for a couple hours

  Artie Bucco : Tone, they pumped my stomach. They saw the Armagnac

  Tony Soprano : You got fuckin mugged! Do you understand me? I didn't loan you shit!

• Artie Bucco : [referring to Elodi, after seeing Charmaine ask her to remove empty plates from a table]  she's a hostess: not a busboy

  Charmaine Bucco : [impersonating Elodi clapping]  what was that all about, huh?

  Artie Bucco : it's just a venture capital "thing" with Jean-Philippe, I'm sure it wouldn't pass your incredibly high Wharton School of Business standards

  Charmaine Bucco : you want to make some "meaningful" money, why don't you get your friend Anthony Soprano to pay his tab? It's close to six thousand dollars

  Artie Bucco : [before he flicks his chin]  I could have an "empire" like Bobby Flay, and it still wouldn't be good enough for you

  Charmaine Bucco : ok, I'll make you a deal, we'll start working on your "empire" right after we pay the ten thousand dollars of orthodonture our children will need this year

• Elodi Colbert : [referring to the number of reservations for the restaurant]  already eighty-six tonight

  Artie Bucco : they come to see you

  Elodi Colbert : I eat so much of your food, I'm gonna get a belly

  Artie Bucco : is Jean-Philippe, ok?

  Elodi Colbert : what do you mean?

  Artie Bucco : he was gonna call me, I left him a couple messages, he didn't call me back, did you hear from him? Does he call your mother?

  Elodi Colbert : well, he always works late hours: the time difference, by the time we're waking up, their already at home eating dinner

  Elodi Colbert : [while giving him a CD]  I almost forget, I bring you something

  Elodi Colbert : [before walking away]  I have to put the flowers in the vases

• Artie Bucco : Can I talk to you?

  Tony Soprano : yeah, what's going on?

  Artie Bucco : [referring to the money Tony loaned Artie]  I just wanted to give you a little "heads up", I know the money's due in a couple days. Frankly, I'm a little concerned, I can't get ahold of Jean-Philippe: he doesn't return my calls

  Tony Soprano : did you go over there?

  Artie Bucco : not yet

  Tony Soprano : well, you gotta get over there, the guy's not returning your phone calls

  Artie Bucco : I know

  Tony Soprano : If they miss a payment, they start acting like their doing you a favor if they give you anything and then you're spend all your time hounding them: you gotta get your arms around this "thing"

• Artie Bucco : Ok, in a nutshell, I'd like to borrow a "little" money

  Ralph Cifaretto : How "little"?

  Artie Bucco : Fifty thousand: just for a couple weeks, I'm upgrading the kitchen in the restaurant

  Ralph Cifaretto : [jokingly]  Get the fuck outta here, what you take out of that bar, you must be sitting on money like King Croesus

  Artie Bucco : [amused]  I wish

  Ralph Cifaretto : [referring to the interest his going to charge]  You know, I'm not gonna be able to loan you money for less than two points

  Artie Bucco : That's not a problem

  Ralph Cifaretto : Just out of curiosity, what's gonna happen in two weeks?

  Artie Bucco : Oh, the insurance check is gonna come

  Ralph Cifaretto : [after thinking it over]  I hate to do it, but I think I'm going to pass: sorry

  Artie Bucco : [disappointed]  Why not?

  Ralph Cifaretto : [because of Artie's close friendship to Tony]  Because if you don't pay me back, I ain't gonna be able to hurt you