- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: [Repeated line to Tony asking him to promise him if he enters his home alive, his going to come out alive] do I got your word?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Hey, Sil.
- Silvio Dante: What?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: What? I've been gone a long time. Let me hear it.
- Silvio Dante: [imitates Al Pacino from The Godfather] Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in
- Tony Soprano: [while in the backyard, referring to her cigarette] let me get a "hit" off that
- Janice Soprano: [Sarcastically, implying his scared of Carmella because his sneaking outside to smoke] oh, look who's in charge here
- Tony Soprano: You look sensational, really, I was out of line
- Janice Soprano: Two beautiful kids: you must be proud
- Tony Soprano: Yeah, how about that huh? Even with our genes
- Tony Soprano: [Referring to her lover] so you still with that "Adolf?"
- Janice Soprano: [Correcting him] Ralph, no Ralph went back to Andorra. You seem good, "wood"-wise
- Tony Soprano: Yeah, things are good these days
- Janice Soprano: So how are things really with Ma?
- Tony Soprano: She's dead to me
- Janice Soprano: I don't want to get in your way here. You're the one who stayed: took the "brunt", Barb and I are never gonna forget that
- Tony Soprano: Well, you forgot about it for about it for... twenty years, at least Barb pitched in
- Janice Soprano: I know I made my share of mistakes but Ma can't stay in the hospital forever
- Tony Soprano: Let me tell about the "stroke" of hers and I got this from a doctor: it's called a "conversion reaction", it's a big fuckin "opry" brought on by repressed rage: it's bullshit, there was no "infarct", whatever the fuck
- Janice Soprano: Yeah but they also the symptoms are similar to a stroke so the results are the same: she cannot take care of herself
- Tony Soprano: She's "on the lamb" in that hospital from me
- Janice Soprano: Who did what to who is not my business. All I know is that mom is bewildered by all of this, I mention you and her eyes fill up with tears
- Tony Soprano: [Amused] oh boy
- Janice Soprano: Look, I'm not asking you to step in here... it's my turn now, that's why I came
- Tony Soprano: She's a "streg", she's the devil
- Janice Soprano: She was, now she's just a confused old woman. So look, all I need is a couple bucks to fix her car so I can back and forth to the hospital, then I'll take her home to Seattle, maybe stay at her house here "temporarily"
- Tony Soprano: Oh, I doubt that, I just put her house on the market
- Janice Soprano: Oh
- Tony Soprano: [Before giving her money] look, I'm glad you're here ok? You want to play Florence Nightingale? That's your choice, only this is the last time we mention her in this house
- Christopher Moltisanti: [while Tony grabs him by the mouth] what's the matter now?
- Tony Soprano: What's the matter? I got a call from Loiaco down at the brokerage firm: your two friends beat the shit out of a broker, two others quit
- Christopher Moltisanti: The guy was pushing some other stock
- Tony Soprano: It attracts negative attention and then the two fucks rip off a Porsche Carrera from our own building
- Christopher Moltisanti: I'll call them
- Tony Soprano: No, you'll go down there... now. What'd you get your license for? You're résumé? I've been telling you, spend more time down at the brokerage firm: you're the fuckin SEC compliance officer for Christ's sake, you gotta show impulse control, ok?
- Christopher Moltisanti: I'm sorry
- Tony Soprano: [about Janice] She's lucky she isn't here or I'd be bouncing her fucking head against the wall!
- Hesh: [while entering his office in the Bada Bing strip club Tony's lawyer Neil] hey Tony
- Tony Soprano: Hey counselor, how are you?
- Neil Mink: You look good huh?
- Tony Soprano: You want a drink?
- Neil Mink: [Referring to Tony including them in on his pump and dump stock market scheme] no, before we commence a thousand thank you's for Webistics
- Tony Soprano: My pleasure
- Tony Soprano: So what'd we stand this month?
- Neil Mink: Your uncle's petitioning to get out of jail on a medical pending trial
- Hesh: Neil thinks they'll liable to let him out
- Tony Soprano: Let him
- Neil Mink: Maybe as a temptation for you to act, again since you are at the helm it all gets back to putting up bigger blinds really limiting your exposure to potential RICO allegations
- Tony Soprano: Only way to run a family these days is "bunker style..."
- Tony Soprano: [after his cell phone rings and answers it] excuse me, yeah?
- Carmela Soprano: [Over the phone] you're not going to believe this, your sister's here
- Tony Soprano: Barbara?
- Carmela Soprano: No, Janice.
- Tony Soprano: You're shitting me
- Carmela Soprano: Nope
- Tony Soprano: Yeah I wonder what the scam is this time. Whatever it is I'm going to be five grand lighter when she rain dances back to the commune. Alright tell her she can stay with us if she wants
- Carmela Soprano: Are you sure?
- Tony Soprano: Yeah we'll get Barbara and Tom down from Brewster and make a family reunion out of it but obviously...
- Carmela Soprano: Your mother's not welcome
- Tony Soprano: [Before hanging up with Carmella] give Janice my love, see you later
- Tony Soprano: [to Neil and Hesh] My sisters here from Seattle
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: There was a fuckin rat, so you finger me? You don't think I didn't realize what was going on? When you come to my house three o'clock in the fuckin afternoon telling me your my "friend". That's when I knew I was in trouble Anthony. When out of blue you start telling me your my "friend."
- Tony Soprano: Oh, is that right?You owe me an explanation and you know what I'm talking about
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Remind me to never get sick again huh? Remind me please to never have a serious illness because with you, Silvio, Paulie, and all you pricks weakness likes to spread around
- Tony Soprano: You know what? Fuck you! I don't what to hear about your fuckin back anymore. Who's your fuckin boss? Who gets the explanation? What am I suppose to trust you? You "off the reservation" cocksucker?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: It was a broad Tony, it was complicated. My back was for shit you knew that
- Tony Soprano: I don't want to hear anymore about your back
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: [Referring to the diagnosis of his back] That's how we met, this Spondylosis. That's why I was popping Percocets like freaking JuJubes. Anyway so my doctor prescribes this clinic in Puerto Rico. I didn't exactly object given the fuckin vibes around here. Go ahead, check
- Tony Soprano: You don't tell your wife your in the hospital?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: That twat brought on most of this
- Tony Soprano: How?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Listen, down there I met this girl, she's twenty-six. An acupuncturist. It was the only thing helping my Sciatic nerve. Anyway, one thing leads to another...
- Tony Soprano: [Interrupts him] you can't send one word?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: I'm going to trust you? Paulie? Take the word of a degenerate cop over me?
- Tony Soprano: So why'd you come back? What changed?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Nothing changed, that's the problem. I still got two kids in college, one just got married, and needs my help. I've got to start earning again. I've got to get my action back
- Tony Soprano: Oh, just like that?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: I came to you Tony. I'm in your hands
- Tony Soprano: [Opens his arms, implying to give each other a hug] come here you fat fuck
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: [Feeling insulted after Tony pats his back and rubs his chest to check for a wire, then referring to his testicles] hey, do you want to pat this down too?
- Tony Soprano: don't you ever bullshit like this again
- Philly Parisi: [after picking him up at the airport] were you waiting long?
- Gigi Cestone: Not bad, we were late landing anyhow. Hey, thanks for doing this
- Philly Parisi: Coming "off the lamb", every nickel counts, so how was Boston?
- Gigi Cestone: It was good to be back for a while, and then you know...
- Philly Parisi: [Jokingly] do I? That place is Scranton, with clams
- Gigi Cestone: [Amused] so what's been going on?
- Philly Parisi: Same tale, of woe
- Gigi Cestone: What the hell do I hear of Tony Soprano and his mother? Some kind of "accident?"
- Philly Parisi: He had her in a nursing home, you know?
- Gigi Cestone: Get the fuck out of here
- Philly Parisi: And this... upset Junior to end, and would Junior come after him? Tony went to the nursing home and tried to suffocate his own mother
- Gigi Cestone: Maybe you shouldn't spread that rumor? That's some ugly shit
- Philly Parisi: I'm only telling you. Listen, you'd be fuckin amazed...
- Gigi Cestone: There's more?
- Philly Parisi: He was seeing a psychiatrist
- Gigi Cestone: Tony?
- Philly Parisi: Fuckin broad from Montclair
- Tony Soprano: [Standing in his kitchen while leaning on the island counter] Coffee?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: No
- Tony Soprano: You look good, tan
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Yeah, right
- Tony Soprano: The "tan ghost"
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: You're a good guy Tony but you abuse that joking shit
- Tony Soprano: What'd got to say to me?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Yeah I'm back. I'm in a fuckin "tan" nightmare. What'd you think I'm stupid? I don't know it when everyone of my friends turns their hearts to stones against me
- Tony Soprano: Take it easy ok? I don't think your stupid
- Tony Soprano: [Yelling] Tony!
- Tony Soprano: Jesus Christ
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Can I talk to you?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: [Angrily] where the fuck you been?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: [Referring to the entrance of Tony's driveway, implying they should talk somewhere more private] we're going to talk here?
- Tony Soprano: Come into the house
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: I got your word if I walk in there, I'm walking back out?
- Tony Soprano: I don't see you for all this time, no word: nothing. And this is the way you come back to me?
- Carmela Soprano: [to Janice] how was the guest bed? Did you sleep alright?
- Janice Soprano: [Nods] great, usually I bring my own pillow: ergonomic, I got ripped off at the bus stop in Rapid City
- Tony Soprano: [after coming down from upstairs] what? Those pillows aren't good enough for pillows aren't to sleep on anymore?
- Tony Soprano: [Before they hug each other] come here
- Janice Soprano: Oh, look who decided to join us? My little brother
- Tony Soprano: How you doing Jan...?
- A.J. Soprano: [Reminding Tony Janice's surname] Parvati
- Tony Soprano: [Pats him on the side of the head] I'm her brother, I get a pass
- Tony Soprano: You look good, you look like... a teenager
- Janice Soprano: [to everybody] my therapist says I'm "regressing"
- Tony Soprano: Oh, your therapist? Who pays for that?
- Janice Soprano: The State of Washington: total disability
- Tony Soprano: Oh yeah, the Epstein-Barr
- Janice Soprano: [Correcting him of the previous illness she had] "was", chronic Carpal Tunnel from my last job: the steamed milk machine
- Janice Soprano: [Walking over to Tony at the kitchen bar counter] hey, I stayed up waiting for you, when did you get in?
- Tony Soprano: Late, you know?
- Tony Soprano: [Irritated] what the fuck is that smell?
- Janice Soprano: Miso soup, its seaweed
- A.J. Soprano: [to Tony, referring to Janice] she's been telling us all about Seattle
- Tony Soprano: If I see those grunge pants on you, you'll be looking on the ground looking up
- Meadow Soprano: [Jokingly] dad, how do you stay so hip?
- Janice Soprano: [to AJ and Meadow] I'll be back in a sec, don't let your father near my soup: he makes fun of it but he'll eat anything before noon, that's not locked away
- Carmela Soprano: You don't see your sister for years and right away, you're already starting on her diet?
- Tony Soprano: Hey, believe me, she gets as good as she gets
- Samantha Martin: [while the realtor shows the inside of Tony's mother's house after it's been vandalized] I can't show it in this condition
- Tony Soprano: What the hell is this?
- Samantha Martin: There's a high school up the street
- Samantha Martin: [Pointing to the stain on the wall caused by the water damage as Tony and Carmella look] a sink was left on upstairs: you don't even want to see the toilets
- Samantha Martin: [after her cell phone rings and walks away to answer it] oh, excuse me
- Tony Soprano: [as he walks over to a broken window] wait until I catch the kids that did this: break a few windows, they think their Johnny badass. The fuckin jackals
- Carmela Soprano: Will you stop, please? Your sister Barbara and the kids are coming down. You better not be in this mood, and I need you to pick up sausage
- Tony Soprano: [Irritated] yeah, yeah, yeah, how many pounds? Hot or sweet?
- Carmela Soprano: Don't you act like it's a chore: this party was your idea, you said you were happy Janice was home, and my parents are coming
- Tony Soprano: [Referring to his mother, surprised] oh, really? What? Now that the dragon lady is gone they'll dwang to set foot in our house?
- Carmela Soprano: She said some horrible things to them over the years
- Tony Soprano: I'm not defending her, she's dead to me
- Carmela Soprano: I'm telling you, you, mope your way through this, I'll cut your throat
- Tony Soprano: What're you talking about mope? I've been in a great mood lately
- Carmela Soprano: [doubting him] right, I think you need to start therapy again, you're self-medicating, we haven't had sex since...
- Tony Soprano: [interrupts her] you forget it: no therapy
- Samantha Martin: [walks over to them after finishing her call, to Tony] you should really take a look at what they did to your mother's bedroom
- Christopher Moltisanti: [to Matt and Sean after they enter his office] sit down
- Christopher Moltisanti: Refresh my memory about this "play" with Webistics
- Matt Bevilaqua: We own four hundred thousand shares "proprietary" at sixty cents, trade on the bulletin board or if we cold call enough senior citizens, "pump and dump"
- Christopher Moltisanti: [Referring to their lack of experience committing crimes] Yeah, yeah. Listen, you guys ain't spend much time in the NFL, let's face it
- Matt Bevilaqua: The fuck you talkin about? Two years with Eddie Stiggs
- Christopher Moltisanti: Besides waxing Eddie's car
- Sean Gismonte: What we did to Joe in Canada...
- Christopher Moltisanti: [Interrupts him] then you know when your "bleeding" a guy, you don't "squeeze" him dry right away. "Contrarily", you let him do his bidding, "suavely" so you can "bleed" him next week and the week after... at a minimum
- Matt Bevilaqua: You mean you don't want one of these guys getting pissed and running to the SEC? I mean, is that what you're saying?
- Christopher Moltisanti: [Nods] break it down
- Sean Gismonte: I'm sorry Chris
- Matt Bevilaqua: Webistics is at eighty, when are we dumping the stock?
- Christopher Moltisanti: You'll know that when you "need" to know that
- Janice Soprano: [Referring to Tony cooking on the barbeque grill] who's Anthony look like to you right now?
- Barbara Giglione: Dad: we stopped in to see mom on the way over, how do you think she is?
- Janice Soprano: A little weak but she's all there. Some "family reunion", the woman who birthed them all is barred from the premises
- Barbara Giglione: I don't think you should get too close, look what she tried to do to Tony
- Janice Soprano: I have no fantasies about my mother. You know his trying to sell the house?
- Barbara Giglione: What house?
- Janice Soprano: Mom's house
- Barbara Giglione: See? That's what I'm talking about, don't get involved: let Tony handle it. I only called you because you're far away and I thought you would want to know if our mother was ill
- Janice Soprano: A hundred and eighty grand his asking for that place, like he needs that
- Barbara Giglione: Well, I'm glad someone's taking charge, you'll get your cut
- Janice Soprano: Ma's not dead yet: there's no will
- Tony Soprano: [During a therapy session with a new psychiatrist, referring to his car accident] I told my family... I got "broadsided" but I passed out behind the wheel. See, my mother and me, we had a falling out and since then things have been good: a clean break
- Peter McClure: What kind of falling out?
- Tony Soprano: One of those unfortunate situations, a lot of screaming, profanity. Anyways, things are good and my sister came back, I mean it's good to see her I guess?
- Peter McClure: Cues from childhood kick in, an older sister that should be obvious enough
- Tony Soprano: Yeah but those feelings are starting to bleed into my business
- Peter McClure: What sort of business are you in?
- Tony Soprano: Commercial and non-transposable waste
- Peter McClure: [sighs, referring to the alias Tony told him] Mr. "Spears", I watch the news like everyone else. I know who you are and I saw Analyze This and I don't need the ramifications of treating someone like yourself
- Tony Soprano: Analyze This?
- Peter McClure: Yeah
- Tony Soprano: Come on, it's a fuckin comedy
- Peter McClure: I'm not taking new patients right now
- Carmela Soprano: [after Tony told her he found the real estate for sale sign for Livia's house in the backseat of Janice's car] I'm sure there's an explanation
- Tony Soprano: [Reiterating what Janice said on why she came back to New Jersey] Take ma back to Seattle. She came here for the house and the four hundred dollar car: that was con from the start. That's the level she works at
- Carmela Soprano: Maybe the sign was broken? Maybe it fell down?
- Tony Soprano: I'm still a little fat kid to her, what does she think? She's going to stop the sale by picking up one fuckin sign?
- Tony Soprano: [Before walking over to wall and punching it] If she were here I'd be bouncing her head against the wall!
- Carmela Soprano: Look at yourself, look at how angry you are. What'd you care about that house?
- Tony Soprano: It's not going to stop with the house. The three hundred dollar pillow which we're going to fuckin pay for, and the video equipment which you've already heard her talking about
- Carmela Soprano: [Referring to treating his anger and panic attacks] When are you getting back into therapy?
- Tony Soprano: Hey, don't start with that ok? I am not fuckin insane and I am not overreacting because you don't know this retched, cunt... .
- Carmela Soprano: Alright, alright. This is getting you no place: go outside, join the party, be with your friends, have some pleasure... go ahead
- Tony Soprano: [Still in angry with Janice] Fuckin bitch