- Dante Greco: [Over the phone with Silvio] Tony walked away without a scratch but Adriana suffered a severe blow to the head
- Silvio Dante: [Over the phone with Hesh] Adriana got caught giving the big guy a blow job
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: [Over the phone with Paulie] when the paramedics found her, she still had his cock in his mouth
- Hesh: [Over the phone Hesh] statistics show that most single car fatalities are the results of guys "popping their loads" behind the wheel
- Junior Soprano: [Over the phone] apparently, he came all over the sun visor
- Agent Deborah Ciccerone-Waldrup: [Over the phone with her colleague] guess who "went down" on Tony Soprano?
- Christopher: What do you got to be stressed about? That bar?
- Adriana La Cerva: War, Christopher? The Middle East?
- Christopher: You don't listen to the president? We're gonna mop the floor with the whole fuckin' world; the whole world's gonna be under our control, so what are worked up about?
- Stokley Davenport, M.D.: [when asked by Tony to convince and confirm that Tony and Adriana weren't having oral sex at the time of their car accident] to whether somebody was getting "something" in the car, how could I possibly attest to that?
- Tony Blundetto: as the attendee, you can explain how medically, it's not possible.
- Stokley Davenport, M.D.: excuse me?
- Tony Blundetto: for instance, if she was wearing a seat belt, there would have been abrasions to the lateral anterior aspect of the right clavicle wouldn't there? Or the right mid-sternum
- Stokley Davenport, M.D.: are you a physician?
- Tony Blundetto: no, I'm a pre-board certified massage therapist
- Tony Soprano: [confused, annoyed] so did she have any kind of those things?
- Stokley Davenport, M.D.: Actually yes, on the right clavicle and the sternum just above the Xiphoid process, which would indicate an upright position at the moment of impact
- Tony Blundetto: [to Christopher, referring to Adrianna] so what his saying she was sitting up
- Tony Soprano: [Eventually telling her what he wants to talk about today] I know I'm on probation and I deeply regret what I did: my nephew's fiancee
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Remains silent]
- Tony Soprano: I know what you're thinking
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: So?
- Tony Soprano: Nothing happened but it could've very easily. She really got to me, this young lady
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Nods]
- Tony Soprano: What?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: This is a very big step
- Tony Soprano: Yeah, tell me about it
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I mean you come here to talk about this impulse instead of just acting on it without thinking
- Tony Soprano: I always think
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Really?
- Tony Soprano: Yeah
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Having sex with your mistress's cousin, like the mistress wasn't enough to piss off your wife?
- Tony Soprano: [Remains silent]
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Tell me about the niece
- Tony Soprano: She's drop dead gorgeous, with someone like her I could do it right this time. I could start a whole new family
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: This is something you're contemplating?
- Tony Soprano: What? It'd be a disaster. Of major proportions. Carmella I can "hose" financially there'd no reason with her after that and my nephew, it'd kill him. After years of grooming him to be my number two. It'd be very bad for the young girl, she doesn't deserve that. I know I'm not stupid and I'm part of this "father figure" thing and account of hers ran off
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It would be like committing an act of "symbolic incest"
- Tony Soprano: Whatever, what am I going to do? I got lucky the first time because I was able to control myself but you only get one of those
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Rationalizing "I can't control myself." You can
- Tony Soprano: [Eventually points to his head] I don't know, it's different for women, it's all about up here with them
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: She could make a play for you, you might want to think about going to establish limits and boundaries. For example, you can tell her she means a great deal to you but you think of her as a daughter
- Tony Soprano: Even if I want to fuck her brains out?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: This is a mild stone for you. You're at a very important crossroads. For once you want to avoid doing something you know is wrong and would be destructive both to yourself and to the people you care about. That's growth. That's progress
- Tony Soprano: Tell me what I'm supposed to do
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You have to be honest with yourself. I know this is a powerful urge but if you can't keep it in your pants you have to stay away from her. You know, not long ago you stood in my outer office. I recall you used the words "drop dead gorgeous" about me and how you had to have me. I said I wouldn't date you and look, you survived
- Tony Soprano: What a horrible fuckin job you have. How do you do it?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What happens now is your choice. Act and create a "bed of misery" or you can look at this as a chance to do something good. You say she respects you. Be worthy of respect. See if you remain a friend to this woman. A help to her.
- Tony Soprano: [after kicking him] you drew down on a boss of a fuckin family?
- Christopher Moltisanti: You lied to me, you were scoring coke with her, she admitted it
- Tony Soprano: [shouts] so what? I can't get any relief from stress once in a while I don't got enough fuckin problems?
- Christopher Moltisanti: You sent me to North Carolina so you can fuck my girlfriend
- Tony Soprano: The fuck kind of animal do I think I am? The thought never entered my head!
- Christopher Moltisanti: You're a man, you're alone in the car with her
- Tony Soprano: You fuckin pushed me to this, you pushed me to this!
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: The way I see it Tony, he must've known the gun was empty. Look what he pumped into your car
- Christopher Moltisanti: [When trying to stand up to confront Paulie before being subdued by Frankie Cortese and Corky DiGioia] what're you trying to say Paulie? The fuck are you trying to say Paulie?
- Tony Soprano: [Knees down in front of him, looking directly in his eyes] now you tell me right now: you can take it into your heart that I did not do this shit. Or this is as far we go
- Tony Soprano: I rang the doorbell six times, nobody answered
- Carmela Soprano: What're you doing here?
- Tony Soprano: I want to talk to you
- Carmela Soprano: [Referring to AJ] if you came to pick him up his not going
- Tony Soprano: Oh, so you believe all that shit they're saying? Am I that horrible? Really?
- Carmela Soprano: Where there's smoke, there's fire. I don't know what you did. What's going to happen when your children find out about this? Meadow already suspects you
- Tony Soprano: Suspects what?
- Carmela Soprano: She saw you at the club, she thought you were coked out
- Tony Soprano: What're you talking about? I don't do drugs
- Carmela Soprano: She already knows about the accident, what'd you think she's going to think? With Anthony at that age?
- Tony Soprano: Oh, come on with the kids, this is about you
- Carmela Soprano: Fine, it's all about me, what? Do I mean nothing to you? That I've got to live with this swirling around me?
- Tony Soprano: Alright forget about what they're saying. I'm asking you, you think I would have sexual relations with her? Adriana who's going to be a member of this family? I want you to answer me truthfully. Look, I know I haven't been a fuckin saint alright? And you got plenty of issues on that subject but you haven't been a fuckin saint yourself
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: [after seeing Adriana with many cuts and bruises on her face] Jesus Christ
- Adriana La Cerva: Don't get all excited, most of it was from the accident
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: You ok?
- Adriana La Cerva: What'd you fuckin think? Kicked out of my house, have Ulcerative colitis, and you call me up
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: We'd like your permission to put a listening device in your business. This relationship with Tony could net us a lot of chatter, don't forget it's him we're after
- Adriana La Cerva: There is no relationship
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: The faster we can put Tony away, the sooner you can get on with your life. We can get a court order to install the device but this way it will be a lot simpler
- Adriana La Cerva: Fuck you. I do enough for you people. You're not bugging my club
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: [Referring to Christopher] Adriana, it's a syndrome: protecting abusers
- Adriana La Cerva: If it had been Christopher alone in the car with a woman, I would have killed him
- Stokley Davenport, M.D.: I reviewed your chart so I ruled out any internal injuries so your free to go. I'll have the nurse process your discharge orders
- Tony Soprano: [Before he walks away] whoa, whoa this was a very bad accident. I mean are you sure you did all the tests? I can afford it
- Stokley Davenport, M.D.: I did the "appropriate" tests. I have a medical degree from John Hopkins, my grandmother was the first black woman licensed to practice medicine in Delaware
- Tony Soprano: Alright, take it easy. The young lady I was with, they said she was ok, but can I see her?
- Christopher: You wanted to see me?
- Tony Soprano: Adriana ok?
- Christopher: Fine
- Tony Soprano: [while handing him a pencil he used to scrap off animal feces from his shoes] people who don't clean up after their pets: pop this into that basket over there will ya? Its blind luck that accident. The cop told me he thought he was coming up to a fatality when he saw the car. I'd be thinking the same thing if I were you. But it's not true
- Christopher: I don't know what you're talking about
- Tony Soprano: Her car was in the shop. I was driving her home from work, that's all
- Christopher: In Dover?
- Tony Soprano: What difference does it make? You don't seem to give a shit she almost died. She could've been scarred up or paralyzed and you got a puss on?
- Christopher: What were you doing out there alone in the car with my fiancée?
- Tony Soprano: We were talking about you. You selfish prick, and how you were the best thing that ever happened to her
- Christopher: Oh, you don't think this fuckin devastates me?
- Tony Soprano: Frankly you scored so far over your head when you got her, what'd you expect?
- Christopher: The fuck you talking about?
- Tony Soprano: She's a knockout: a ten, and look at you. Your average at best so you better reconcile yourself with that or your going to be paranoid your whole life
- Christopher: So, this is my fuckin fault now?
- Tony Soprano: Nothing happened. I'm not going to say it again. You should've married that girl two years ago
- Christopher: Everyone knows you've been the biggest cooze hound the past four, five years. Your midlife crisis: you'd fuck a catcher's mitt
- Tony Soprano: On everything I hold sacred. On my children, there's nothing on with me and Adriana
- Christopher: [after showing them the van full of cigarettes] I hit the fuckin motherload! Twenty G's a product a week: Little Paulie's behind me with the other half
- Corky DiGioia: Fuck me
- Christopher: Now, twenty percent of this load, they can stamp the packs for the vending machines, the rest, the cartons can go to the bodegas, let him worry about the stamps. I'm beat, I'm gonna hit the fuckin rack: have Ade cook me up a nice Carbonara
- Christopher: [after noticing Dante Greco and Corky DiGioia nervously look at each other] What's the matter?
- Dante Greco: I don't know how to tell you but Adriana's in the hospital, she was in an accident
- Christopher: [shocked] What, when?
- Corky DiGioia: Last night around two o'clock
- Christopher: Jesus Christ, what happened? Is she alright?
- Corky DiGioia: she got banged up but she's gonna be ok
- Christopher: The drinking and driving, I told her, where is she?
- Dante Greco: Mount Mercy, in Dover
- Christopher: Dover?
- Corky DiGioia: Apparently, they swerved to avoid hitting a deer in the road
- Christopher: They?
- Dante Greco: her and Tony
- Christopher: Tony? Soprano?
- Corky DiGioia: Uh huh
- Christopher: Is he alright?
- Dante Greco: Not a scratch, the fucking luck on this guy
- Christopher: [after thinking it over] Oh, yeah Dover, right, she's got an aunt she's close to out there whose been sick, she's close to Tony's aunt
- Meadow Soprano: [surprised to see him at the club Crazy Horse] What're you doing here?
- Tony Soprano: I got an office here: you come down with Finn?
- Meadow Soprano: And some people
- Tony Soprano: Promise me, no drinking and driving
- Meadow Soprano: Who's your designated driver?
- Tony Soprano: I'm not the one with all the dents in their car
- Tony Soprano: [kisses her] Alright, have fun, huh? Need some money?
- Tony Soprano: [before she goes into the restroom] Have a good time sweetheart, be careful
- Adriana La Cerva: [meeting privately] Tony's spending so much time at the club
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: You think that might have something to do with you?
- Adriana La Cerva: [referring to oral sex] Oh, if you think I'm gonna blow this guy, for your sick purposes, you are sadly mistaken
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: So, go on with this phone call you got the other night
- Adriana La Cerva: [shrugs] Just some guy with a southern accent: Christopher grabbed the phone and yelled at him for calling the house. He said he'd see him down there
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: Down where? Did you check the log on his cell?
- Adriana La Cerva: Not since I almost got caught doing that and I am not doing it again
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: [referring to the area code of the phone numbers] Wait until he goes in the shower: see if there's a 404 or a 336 and memorize any other numbers you don't recognize
- Adriana La Cerva: [meeting privately] You know Tony had ducks one time in his pool
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: You need to find out where Chris went
- Adriana La Cerva: [ignoring her instructions] I'm getting this "vibe" from him
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: Who, Tony?
- Adriana La Cerva: His really nice, he listens
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: His kind of attractive. Definitely an Alpha male, what if Christopher found out?
- Adriana La Cerva: What? I'm not gonna fuck him
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: Then, what're you talking about?
- Adriana La Cerva: I love Christopher and sooner or later we're gonna get out from under and leave this fuckin state
- Christopher: [referring to her diagnosis] Irritable bowel syndrome?
- Adriana La Cerva: He'll know more when the tests come back, I still gotta bring him a stool sample
- Christopher: [disgusted] Jesus, please
- Adriana La Cerva: You're the one who yelled at me to go to the doctor
- Christopher: I gotta know every detail?
- Adriana La Cerva: I could be very sick?
- Christopher: My aunt Josephine had colon cancer: her whole asshole rotted out
- Adriana La Cerva: I may have to go into therapy. Plus, his gonna put me on Prozac
- Christopher: For diarrhea?
- Adriana La Cerva: It'll help me cope, handle stress
- Tony Soprano: You know who you ought to introduce me to, the friend of yours?
- Adriana La Cerva: Who?
- Tony Soprano: The one you brought over to the house that time: tall, kind of blondish brownish hair? Danielle from Whippany
- Adriana La Cerva: [covering up the fact that Danielle is the undercover FBI agent Deborah Ciccerone-Waldrup] She's dead
- Tony Soprano: [surprised] What?
- Adriana La Cerva: [nervously] Yeah, she drowned on picnic
- Tony Soprano: I thought I picked up on something between her and me, I'm not trying to be conceited
- Carmela Soprano: [while she sketches a bowl of fruit] I hear your spending time with today's youth?
- Tony Soprano: you lost me
- Carmela Soprano: Meadow said she saw you at Adriana's club
- Tony Soprano: I gotta explain my business to you now, after so many years?
- Carmela Soprano: it's your life
- Tony Soprano: got that right
- Carmela Soprano: [after noticing the bandage on his head] what'd you do to your head, you fall again?
- Tony Soprano: [while tossing money on the counter] I banged it on the medicine chess, don't worry about it: it's nothing. Here's your allowance
- Tony Soprano: [referring to her sketch] that actually looks like fruit
- Carmela Soprano: it's so hard
- Tony Soprano: what'd you do it for?
- Dr. Rene Katz: Did having your bowl movement released, relieve the pain?
- Adriana La Cerva: [while lying down on his examination table] Yeah
- Dr. Rene Katz: Would you describe the diarrhea as loose or liquid?
- Adriana La Cerva: Liquid, I'm so scared to be away from the toilet, I might have an "accident"
- Dr. Rene Katz: [while pressing down on her abdomen] Is this tender?
- Adriana La Cerva: No
- Dr. Rene Katz: [after gesturing her to sit up] How's your personal life?
- Adriana La Cerva: [confused] What'd you mean?
- Dr. Rene Katz: Well, sometimes, gastrointestinal disturbances are stress related. Is there anything unusual that might be giving you the 'jimjams"?
- Adriana La Cerva: [referring to medication] I just want "something" for my stomach so I can quit going to the bathroom: That's what giving me stress
- Dr. Rene Katz: why don't you get dressed? We'll talk in my office
- Adriana La Cerva: [while in her office at her club Crazy Horse] My stupid car: five thousand miles and the alternator's gone
- Tony Soprano: What'd about you, Mimi said you went to the doctor?
- Adriana La Cerva: I've been having trouble with my stomach. That's why I'm drinking White Russians
- Tony Soprano: [jokingly] You got ulcers already?
- Adriana La Cerva: It's called "IBS"
- Tony Soprano: What's that?
- Adriana La Cerva: Irritable bowel syndrome
- Tony Soprano: My mother had that all her life
- Tony Soprano: [points to the bandage on his head] See this?
- Adriana La Cerva: Yeah, I noticed that, what happened?
- Tony Soprano: It's cancer
- Adriana La Cerva: [surprised] What?
- Tony Soprano: Yeah, squamous
- Adriana La Cerva: Oh my God, that's terrible
- Tony Soprano: They think they got it all
- Tony Soprano: [jokingly, gently taps his head] Knock on wood, just... cancer. "Things" that run through your head
- Adriana La Cerva: Sure
- Tony Soprano: I got a top guy though: Katz, Hesh recommended him
- Tony Soprano: [changing the subject] So, this disease you got, what causes it?
- Adriana La Cerva: I did a Google on it, and like the doctor, they all said a lot of it is all psychological. So, on top of everything, I'm a headcase
- Tony Soprano: [amused] No, come on, stop blaming yourself
- Adriana La Cerva: Christopher don't wanna know, not that I blame him
- Tony Soprano: [after looking at his watch] I gotta take off, AJ's getting back from his volleyball "thing". Listen, don't say anything to anybody, people hear cancer, they'll start to bury you already