Spaced (TV Series)

Art (1999)

Mark Heap: Brian Topp

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tim : Oh, there's a letter here for you. Came yesterday.

  Brian : [picking up the letter]  It's open.

  Tim : Yeah, I opened it by accident because, erm, we've both got I's in our names.

  [Tim shifts his eyes in guilt] 

• [as Brian goes over to meet Vulva, someone bumps into him and splashes his drink on him] 

  Vulva : [disdainfully]  Oh, Brian. You came.

  Brian : No, I just spilt my drink.

• Tim : [answering the phone]  Hello? Brian? No, no, he's the weirdo downstairs. Oh, sorry! Sorry, Brian. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come up. OK, bye.

  [puts the phone down] 

  Tim : Brian's coming up.

  Daisy : Why did he phone?

  Tim : I don't know, why did he paint his arse blue last week?

  Daisy : You don't like him, do you?

  Tim : I do like him, I just think he's a bit pretentious.

  [Brian enters, wearing an incredibly gaudy outfit] 

  Brian : How do I look?

  Tim : A bit pretentious?

• [Brian has received a letter that simply says "Come"] 

  Brian : It's from Vulva.

  Tim : Oh yeah? Is that another woman's magazine?

  Brian : Vulva, it's an old friend. She's having a show tonight.

  Tim : You've got a friend called Vulva? Who's called Vulva?

  Brian : Her real name's Ian.

  Tim : What do you mean *her* real name's Ian?

  Brian : She's non-gender-specific.

  Tim : Oh what, you mean he's a tranny?

  Brian : [smiles]  More than that.

  Tim : What, a big fat tranny?

• Brian : Do you think I should lose the waistcoat?

  Tim : I think you should burn it. 'Cause, you know, if you lose it, you might find it again.

• [Brian has received an invitation to Vulva's show and starts reminiscing about their old partnership] 

  Tim : [sighs]  So are you gonna go?

  Brian : I don't know, I haven't seen her for ages.

  Tim : No, I meant are you gonna go, now?

• Brian : [Tim is playing Resident Evil 2 on his Playstation]  What are you playing?

  Tim : It's a subtle blend of lateral thinking and extreme violence.

  Brian : What, like "It's a Knockout"?

• Brian : Brian. Painter-loser. BIG FUCKING LOSER.