St. Elsewhere (TV Series)

Dr. Wyler, I Presume (1984)

Howie Mandel: Dr. Wayne Fiscus

Quotes 

• [Chandler and Fiscus are in the lounge watching Ehrlich's latest Health Spot on the evening news, talking over Victor as they make commentary] 

  Dr. Victor Ehrlich : Let's say you have an accident of some kind. What happens next? You call an ambulance.

  Dr. Philip Chandler : And bribe the driver to take you to Boston General instead of this place.

  Dr. Victor Ehrlich : ...where friendly, well-trained doctors will administer up-to-date medical treatment. Waiting is kept to a minimum through modern hospital management techniques that put the needs of the patient first and foremost. From the ER, you'll be whisked up to your room by...

  Dr. Wayne Fiscus : Lovely Carol Merrill, who will take your clothing, rifle through your belongings, and palpate you into submission.

  Dr. Victor Ehrlich : An experienced senior doctor will be directly in charge of your case, and will carefully explain your condition and the length of time you'll be required to stay. Should there be any discomfort involved, modern analgesics are always available.

  Dr. Wayne Fiscus : From dealers loitering in our hallways.

  Dr. Victor Ehrlich : Physical therapy and other hospital services are scheduled at your convenience, and nutritious meals are served promptly from heated carts at your bedside.

  Dr. Philip Chandler : He forgot to mention tennis courts and scuba lessons.

  Dr. Victor Ehrlich : ...during regularly scheduled visiting hours, and often play a positive role in the healing process.

  Dr. Wayne Fiscus : And when you receive your hospital bill, you'll have a heart attack and be whisked back upstairs by courteous attendants.

  Dr. Philip Chandler : Are you as sick of these Health Spots as I am?

  Dr. Victor Ehrlich : ...hospital etiquette. Until then, I'm Dr. Victor Ehrlich with another Health Spot.

  [Fiscus gets up and turns off the TV]