Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (TV Series)

The Siege of AR-558 (1998)

James Darren: Vic Fontaine

Quotes 

• Vic Fontaine : I wish I was going on the supply run with you. I could make some personal appearances, sing a few songs, tell a few jokes - you know, put on a regular USO show.

  Doctor Bashir : I'm afraid there are no holosuites where we're going.

  Vic Fontaine : Rom's right - life can be unfair. You know, pally, sometimes being a hologram can be a real pain in the asymmetric photons.

• [Rom has asked Vic to sing in the lounge as Vic's opening act] 

  Vic Fontaine : Two singers on the same bill, that's a one-way ticket to Deadsville. I need someone to warm up the audience for me. You know, a comic.

  Rom : A comic?

  Vic Fontaine : A comedian, someone who can make people laugh.

  Rom : I can do that. My brother tells me people are always laughing at me.

  Vic Fontaine : Well, that may be true, but this is a holosuite program, capisce?

  Rom : So?

  Vic Fontaine : So you're not a hologram.

  Rom : Life can be so unfair!

• [first lines] 

  Rom : [Counts himself in and then sings]  One two three four one. She likes the free fresh wind in her hair, life without care. She's broke. But it's oke. Hates California, it's cold and it's damp. That's why the lady, that's why the lady, that's why the lady is a scamp!

  [Vic applauds politely. Rom gets down off the stage to join him] 

  Rom : So, what do you think?

  Vic : Not bad, but the lady is a tramp, not a scamp.

  Rom : Tramp, right. So do I get the... gig?

  Vic : Sorry, pallie.

  Rom : But Doctor Bashir said you're looking for an open act and I looove to sing.

  Vic : I can tell.