Tales from the Crypt (TV Series)
Dead Wait (1991)
John Kassir: Crypt Keeper
Quotes
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Crypt Keeper : Oooh, talk about being "headed off at the pass." We've got a guest kiddies. Whoopi. It's a pleasure to meet you. I want you to know that I loved your movie "The Killer Purple."
Whoopi Goldberg : That's "Color Purple," Crypt Keeper.
Crypt Keeper : Oh! Right, well. Um. Congratulations on winning that Academy Aweird.
Whoopi Goldberg : Well thanks, but it's actually called an Academy Award.
Crypt Keeper : Whatever. Look, it's a pleasure to meet a big star like you.
Whoopi Goldberg : Now you're a pretty big star. I mean I'd love it if you would be in my next film.
Crypt Keeper : Really.
Whoopi Goldberg : [upon pulling out a machete] Yeah, it's just a bit part.
Crypt Keeper : I'm flattered.
Whoopi Goldberg : But you don't know what bit I want.
Crypt Keeper : Well as long as I don't end up on the cutting room floor.
[laughs]
Whoopi Goldberg : [upon pointing the machete at the Crypt Keeper] OK.
[the Crypt Keeper gasps as Whoopi raises both her eyebrows towards the viewers]
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Crypt Keeper : Welcome aboard frightseers! Looking for a little helliday fun? You've come to the right place! We specialize in all sorts of hackage tours! So what will it be? A few days in a scream park? Or would you like me to book you into a nice, quiet dead and breakfast? Or perhaps you'd like to go treasure haunting like my friend Red. He wants to steal a priceless black pearl in a tasteless tidbit I call "Dead Wait".