- Crypt Keeper: Oooh, talk about being "headed off at the pass." We've got a guest kiddies. Whoopi. It's a pleasure to meet you. I want you to know that I loved your movie "The Killer Purple."
- Whoopi Goldberg: That's "Color Purple," Crypt Keeper.
- Crypt Keeper: Oh! Right, well. Um. Congratulations on winning that Academy Aweird.
- Whoopi Goldberg: Well thanks, but it's actually called an Academy Award.
- Crypt Keeper: Whatever. Look, it's a pleasure to meet a big star like you.
- Whoopi Goldberg: Now you're a pretty big star. I mean I'd love it if you would be in my next film.
- Crypt Keeper: Really.
- Whoopi Goldberg: [upon pulling out a machete] Yeah, it's just a bit part.
- Crypt Keeper: I'm flattered.
- Whoopi Goldberg: But you don't know what bit I want.
- Crypt Keeper: Well as long as I don't end up on the cutting room floor.
- [laughs]
- Whoopi Goldberg: [upon pointing the machete at the Crypt Keeper] OK.
- [the Crypt Keeper gasps as Whoopi raises both her eyebrows towards the viewers]
- Crypt Keeper: Welcome aboard frightseers! Looking for a little helliday fun? You've come to the right place! We specialize in all sorts of hackage tours! So what will it be? A few days in a scream park? Or would you like me to book you into a nice, quiet dead and breakfast? Or perhaps you'd like to go treasure haunting like my friend Red. He wants to steal a priceless black pearl in a tasteless tidbit I call "Dead Wait".