- Jackie Burkhart: [Kelso arrives after his day at the Police Academy] Michael, you got another 'D' on a test? Isn't this your fourth 'D' in a row?
- Michael Kelso: Yeah. It's just on the Penal Code stuff. "Criminals have the right to an attorney, criminals are innocent until proven guilty". Just crazy liberal gibberish.
- Steven Hyde: [to Fez] What are you laughin' at?
- Fez: He said 'Penal Code'.
- Jackie Burkhart: Fez, it doesn't mean that. It's from the word 'penalty'. 'Penal'.
- Steven Hyde: [Fez can't control his giggling] You're like a four-year-old. It's a legal term: 'Penal'.
- Steven Hyde: [now Hyde is laughing, too] It's kinda funny.
- Brooke: [Brooke comes in] Hey, guys. Hey, Michael, how'd your Penal Code test go?
- Michael Kelso: [Hyde and Fez can't control their laughter as Kelso lies to impress Brooke] I did great. I got another 'B'.
- Brooke: Oh, that's your fourth 'B' in a row! I'm so proud of you! Can I see it?
- Michael Kelso: [suddenly on the spot] Uh... uh, you could, but, uh, I didn't write anything down, 'cause the test was, uh, oral.
- Steven Hyde: [bursting with laughter] Oral test on the Penal Code!
- [Red, Kitty and Bob are furious at Eric and Donna for lying to the pastor that they are virgins]
- Kitty Forman: [sarcastically] Oh, look! It's Eric and Donna! Did everyone know they're virgins?
- [awkward silence. Hyde looks funnily at Eric and Donna]
- Kitty Forman: I think I wanna be a virgin too. Hey, everyone! I'm a virgin! Ha-ha-ha! Well, I said that, so it must be true.
- Eric Forman: OK, I know this seems really bad, but I've got a really simple way to fix that: just start going to a different church. Hey, how about that one where they sing more and let you marry, like, six people?
- Steven Hyde: Hey, Red, tell me the story about how Eric and Donna had to stand up in front of the whole church and pretend to be virgins.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: [angrily] Once upon a time, two dumbasses went to church and brought shame upon their entire family, and their father had to hear about it the whole damn car ride home!
- Steven Hyde: That's a great story. It's scary, but it's funny, too.
- Donna Pinciotti: It's been like an hour, and my Dad is still upstairs talking to your folks. Our pregnancy scare must've really freaked them out.
- Eric Forman: Yeah, well, that's because 'pregnancy' is one of the scariest words in the English language. Right after 'monster' and 'broccoli'.
- Donna Pinciotti: But, Mrs. Forman, what about that time you lied to Pastor Dave? You told him the dog ate your bake sale cookies, but you baked them because you were too busy sipping Kahlua...
- Kitty Forman: I did not lie to Pastor Dave in church, I lied to him in the market, and in the market, he's just another man! And for your information, Donna, Kahlua is barely a drink - it's like root beer!