That '70s Show (TV Series)

Time Is on My Side (2004)

Ashton Kutcher: Michael Kelso

Quotes 

• Eric : You know, this whole marriage thing has made me think: why am I in such a hurry to grow up? You know, life is like a train. It's bearing down on you, and guess what? It's gonna hit you! So, you can either start running when it's far off in the distance, or you can pull up a chair, crack open a beer, and just watch it come!

  Kelso : I did that once.

  Eric : No, Kelso. Not a real train. A metaphorical one.

  Kelso : Like a... like a ghost train?

  [Eric stares at Kelso for a moment] 

  Eric : Yes. A ghost train.

• Eric : Donna, you're perfect. You couldn't be better if you'd been created in a lab!

  Kelso : Yeah, but then she'd have those bolts coming out of her neck!

• Eric : You know what, guys? I've figured out what I'm gonna do this year!

  Kelso : You're gonna be the first person to put on my firecracker suit?

• Kelso : I'm gonna throw an M&M into the woods and wherever it lands, we look there first.

  Steven Hyde : Fez, give him the candy.

  Fez : [looking guilty]  Yeah, about that...

  Kelso : Okay. Instead of candy, I'm gonna throw my keys into the woods.

  [throws keys] 

  Kelso : Oh, crap, I just threw my keys into the woods!

• Kelso : Wait a minute, I'm a police officer in training, so we're gonna do this by the book!

  Jackie Burkhart : [Scoffing]  What book? You didn't READ any book!

  Kelso : No, but I was ASSIGNED one! And I've killed four bees with it!

• Kelso : [Walking into the basement]  Alright, Eric traded Donna in for a hot blonde!

  [Donna turns to glare at him] 

  Kelso : Oh, CRAP! She looks just like Donna!

• Kelso : Anybody find my keys?

  Eric : I found a pair of my sister's panties.

  [the others stare at him] 

  Eric : I know they were hers because they had her name... and phone number written on them.

  Steven Hyde : A girl's gotta advertise.