The Thick of It (TV Series)

Episode #1.2 (2005)

Joanna Scanlan: Terri Coverley

Quotes 

• Hugh Abbott : So, how do we respond to this?

  Terri Coverley : Right, we don't exchange insults with bloody Simon arsepipes... tittytwat.

  Oliver Reeder : Is that honestly the best swearing you can come up with?

  Glenn Cullen : This is a bucket of shit. If someone throws shit at us, we throw shit back at them. We start a shit fight. We throw so much shit at them, that they can't pick up shit, they can't throw shit, they can't do shit.

  Hugh Abbott : That's top swearing Glenn, well done.

• Terri Coverley : [Talking about her role in the department in relation to policy]  It's not my role to have a preference - I sell the apples. If you want me to sell the apples, I'll sell the apples. But if you want me to sell oranges, then I'll go and tell people that the apples, the apples are shit Olly, they're shit - I'll say go on, check out our oranges.

  Hugh Abbott : Do you have a pref- which do you prefer, you know, apples or oranges?

  Terri Coverley : [Exasperated]  Apples!

  Hugh Abbott : Apples?

  Terri Coverley : Apples.

  Hugh Abbott : OK, thank you!

  Glenn Cullen : Hugh, if we are going to spend taxpayers money putting violent thugs into productions of the fucking Cherry Orchard then we're gonna get crucified, and rightly so!

  Hugh Abbott : Hang on a second - Terri, which was apples, was Olly apples or was Glenn apples?

  [Terri has left her desk] 

  Hugh Abbott : oh, she's gone.

• Malcolm Tucker : [night, everyone's in Tucker's office, except for Abbot, who's in the car on his way home]  I've never seen headlines like it!

  Oliver Reeder : In what way?

  Malcolm Tucker : It's all gone to shite!

  Glenn Cullen : Oh, the papers didn't like the policy?

  Malcolm Tucker : They hate it, they fucking loath it! Are you getting all this, Hugh?

  Hugh Abbott : [on the phone]  Yes, you're very clear.

  Terri Coverley : Do they all hate it? The Times?

  Malcolm Tucker : Especially The Times.

  Hugh Abbott : Wait a minute, the first edition hasn't even gone to bed yet, how do you know?

  Malcolm Tucker : Because I'm connected, I'm plugged into the Matrix. I AM the fucking Matrix.

  Hugh Abbott : Sorry?

  Malcolm Tucker : Have you not watched that tape yet?

  Hugh Abbott : I'm taking it home now, gonna watch it there. We just bought a new video player of the back of Alicia's obsession with Pingu.

  Malcolm Tucker : Ok, I want you all to pay attention - this Arts policy is dead. Ok? As of now. Get a press release out and bung it in the owen. Fuck off, the lot of you.