- Janet Wood: What have you got there?
- Chrissy Snow: [sullen] I didn't get a raise, that's what I got there.
- Janet Wood: Well, we're you due for one?
- Chrissy Snow: Yeah.
- Jack Tripper: Poor Chrissy. Did you complain?
- Chrissy Snow: [wilfully] I wouldn't give them the satisfaction!
- Janet Wood: Well, so to cheer yourself up, you went out and bought something new?
- Chrissy Snow: How could I? I need a raise to be able to buy something new!
- Janet Wood: But you didn't get a raise.
- Chrissy Snow: No, that's why I got the *box*!
- Jack Tripper: Oh.
- [looks at Janet nonplussed]
- Jack Tripper: Lemme see what's inside it, okay?
- [starts opening the box]
- Janet Wood: Chrissy, how come they wouldn't give you a raise?
- Chrissy Snow: [whines] I don't know! I'm the best secretary they have if you don't count my shorthand and typing!
- Jack Tripper: [inspected box] Easy Time Cosmetics?
- Chrissy Snow: That's my new part-time job.
- Jack Tripper: Doing what?
- Chrissy Snow: Selling. You know, door to door, to friends, and over the telephone. These are cosmetics and toiletries that every man and woman can use.
- Jack Tripper: You know, I don't use lipstick.
- [smiles]
- Chrissy Snow: It's not just lipstick, it's aftershave...
- Jack Tripper: Oh, yeah, well, Janet will like that.
- [Janet slams the empty box down over his head]
- Janet Wood: You know, Chrissy, selling is really hard work.
- Chrissy Snow: Well, the man at the Easy Time Cosmetics company said I'd make a lot of money. He said that this job doesn't take any ability at all and I'd be perfect for it.
- [Jack laughs]
- Janet Wood: Yes, well, Chrissy...
- Jack Tripper: Chrissy, you'll be great! You can sell anything!
- Chrissy Snow: Oh, thank you, Jack! Ooh!
- [plants great big kiss smack on his lips, then runs off happily to the kitchen]
- Jack Tripper: [breathless] Mercy!
- Janet Wood: Do you really believe what you just told her?
- Jack Tripper: No, but I just *love* the way she says thank you!
- Janet Wood: You know, Chrissy tried selling before, and she was a total flop at it. Do you remember that all-purpose kitchen knife?
- Jack Tripper: Oh, yeah. She made four dollars selling the knives, but spent five dollars buying band-aids.
- Janet Wood: I'm going to the kitchen and I'm gonna tell her the truth.
- [jumps up, and then Chrissy returns]
- Janet Wood: Oh, hi. Uhm, Chrissy, I've been thinking.
- [looks back at Jack for support]
- Janet Wood: Honey, some people just aren't cut out to sell door to door.
- Chrissy Snow: I know. But don't feel bad, you have so many other abilities.
- Chrissy Snow: Guess what? I'm the new sales lady for EasyTimes Cosmetics, and you get to be my very first customer.
- Lana Shields: Guess what? You're wrong. Jack, darling...
- [goes over to couch]
- Jack Tripper: [had been pretending he didn't see her come in] Oh, hi, Lana, just taking a nap.
- Lana Shields: You must come over to my apartment with me and help me change my light bulb.
- Chrissy Snow: That's a switch.
- [snorting with laughter]
- Jack Tripper: Lana, why can't you change it yourself?
- Lana Shields: 'Cause the fixture's too high. It's in the ceiling... of my bedroom.
- [chuckles]
- Jack Tripper: Why don't you just get on the bed?
- Lana Shields: I thought you'd never ask.
- [makes a grab for him again]
- Jack Tripper: Lana, control yourself.
- [points at the others in the room]
- Lana Shields: I can't help myself, Jack, whenever I'm close to you, I get this... this tingling sensation all over my body!
- Chrissy Snow: Please! If you want your body to tingle, why don't you try some of my new bath lotion?
- Lana Shields: [looks down at Chrissy with disdain] If blondes have more fun, why do they keep spoiling it for other people?
- Jack Tripper: [opens door] Oh, look, it's Mr. Furley! Well, maybe he can take care of your bulb, Lana.
- Ralph Furley: [enters, has eyes only for Lana] Yeah! I'm great with flowers.
- [said in such a way it is clear he considers Lana to be his flower]
- Lana Shields: Why don't you go plant yourself?
- Jack Tripper: [consoling after failure] Chrissy, lots of people have trouble selling at first.
- Chrissy Snow: [sobbing profusely] Not like me! Two men walked away, and another made me write a letter to his wife!
- Janet Wood: [puzzled] Why?
- Chrissy Snow: [very, very upset] Because I spilled a bottle of perfume all over his pants!
- Janet Wood: Chrissy, quitting your job is a really big step. Shouldn't you think it through?
- Chrissy Snow: Janet, thinking never works for me.
- Jack Tripper: [wants to help Chrissy] Lana, if you do me this favor, I - I'll come up and fix your bulb. All I right?
- Lana Shields: Good! And then we'll turn it off, and you can turn me on.