Christopher Titus: Christopher Titus

Quotes 

• Dave Titus : I was supposed to kill myself an hour ago.

  Christopher Titus : Well, I just got your suicide note. Maybe next time you shouldn't *mail* it!

• Christopher Titus : I remember how Dave used to beg me. He'd get down on his knees

  [Dave gets down on one knees] 

  Christopher Titus : Both Knees!

  [Dave puts his other leg down] 

  Christopher Titus : And then he'd sing that "Titus is great" song!

  [turns to Dave] 

  Dave Titus : [singing]  Titus is great! He's really, really great! I can't believe how great he can be!

  [Calvin is seen swaying to the song in the back] 

• [first lines] 

  Christopher Titus : Sometimes, to help someone you love, you have to commit a felony. But, you don't want to go to prison for that. "Hey, dude, what are you in for? Armed robbery? Murder?" And then, you have to say, "Love." And, that's definitely going to get you, you know, picked last for prison kick ball.

• [last lines] 

  Christopher Titus : Sometimes, to help someone you love, you have to commit a felony. You have to get involved in their life. You have to put yourself out there. You have to make sure that they get tossed off a moving bus and have to walk home from Oklahoma. Hey, Dave wanted to march. So, who loves Dave more ? I can't hear you.