- Ed McMahon: Doesn't a shark continually swim? It never stops swimming... The shark never stops swimming. All its life!
- Johnny Carson: What has that got to do with...
- Ed McMahon: Well, because you say for the first three years - this is all its life, it never stops swimming!
- Johnny Carson: But this bird is in the air!
- Ed McMahon: This shark is in the water! Be silly to see a shark flying around!
- Richard Benjamin: I would stand there, and then I'd come out of these shadows, and in the most polite way I could possibly say, "I don't think that frying pan is real clean."
- Johnny Carson: Ah.
- Richard Benjamin: And she would say something like, "Uh - uh, well, since you're going to be wearing it in a minute..."
- Johnny Carson: Why don't you...
- Richard Benjamin: It doesn't matter how clean it is.
- Johnny Carson: Do you use coupons and all that? Or look for the specials?
- Richard Benjamin: I do use some coupons, yes. Yes. I have a Sanka coupon right now that's worth forty cents.
- Johnny Carson: [after audience laughing and cheering] ... Will - will you marry me? This is the one I've been lookin' for all my life! We're talkin' clean and neat. Well...
- Richard Benjamin: You'll be very happy with me.
- Johnny Carson: ...Thank you. As long as we can communicate - that's the main thing.
- Garry Shandling: What's a nightmare for a dog? Did you ever stop to think about it? What, he's drinking out of the toilet, and the lid falls?
- Garry Shandling: My friend said, "Hey - Jewish people don't camp." And, uh, we do - we just have it catered, that's all.
- Johnny Carson: Nice to see somebody new come out and really, uh, have some funny material. His name is Garry Shandling; we'll hear a lot about him.