- Alan Thicke: [on cruise ships] They operate on the principle that anything is funny if it happens in your pants.
- Alan Thicke: [on current sex advice] There's so much to remember; I think there's - there's pressure. The manuals have instructions and diagrams - looks like the Rams playbook. And you have to... the Flying Wallendas couldn't do some of that stuff without...
- Johnny Carson: If the Rams would just score that much, they'd be in better shape.
- Alan Thicke: [on sex education] I don't think that - that kids should really start until they can appreciate the guilt and the shame that goes with sex.