Unhappily Ever After (TV Series)
Basketball... Again? (1998)
Kevin Connolly: Ryan Malloy
Quotes
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Tiffany Malloy : [aspiring star reporter] Front page story for the Northridge Gazette. Mindy Gallackson scored eighty points in a girls' basketball game. Eighty points!
Barbara Caufield : In a girls' basketball game?
[shakes her head]
Barbara Caufield : I mean, it's like Bosnia. You know it's there, somewhere, but you don't care.
Tiffany Malloy : You mean, sort of like news radio?
Barbara Caufield : A word of wisdom from your Editor-in-Chief. "Dog bites man," that's nothing. "Bosnia dog bites man," that's really nothing, but "Dog buys gun and robs blood bank," that's news.
[proudly displays front page of latest copy]
Barbara Caufield : Front page news!
[hands over newspaper]
Barbara Caufield : That was one crazy dog!
Tiffany Malloy : Every story on this front page was written by you. And isn't this an exact replica of the Harvard newspaper masthead?
Barbara Caufield : Yes, it is. And I think it will look good along with my Harvard application. See, one of the things I've found *most* important in my journey to greater education, is the ability to brown-nose.
[teacher approaches]
Barbara Caufield : Hello, Professor Dawson!
[Professor Dawson just walks past]
Barbara Caufield : Hello, Professor Lewis!
[he, too, just walks past]
Barbara Caufield : Hello, Jorge!
[cleaner halts in his tracks]
Barbara Caufield : I must say the floors have been so free of garbage, vomit and urine lately,
[simpering:]
Barbara Caufield : thank you, amigo!
Janitor : My name is not Jorge.
Barbara Caufield : That's okay. World cup go Mexico.
Janitor : I'm from Pakistan.
Barbara Caufield : Oh. Well, congratulations on your newfound nuclear capabilities.
[janitor walks away]
Barbara Caufield : Use them wisely.
[waves, then turns back to Tiffany]
Barbara Caufield : You can never brown-nose too much. That's why I'm nice to everyone.
Ryan Malloy : [arrives] Hello, Barbara.
Barbara Caufield : Drop dead.
[walks away]
Ryan Malloy : You know, Tiff, I think I'm finally hitting my stride with girls. Just today, I was sitting in the car at the stoplight, right? A really pretty girl in a short skirt walks up to me and says "You want a date?" I mean, she's asking me! This girl who people would pay fifty or a hundred dollars to be with!
Tiffany Malloy : Ryan... She was a prostitute.
Ryan Malloy : Prostitute, Catholic, I don't care!
[shakes head happily]
Ryan Malloy : This isn't Belfast!