Dana Daurey: Amber Moss

Quotes 

• Tiffany Malloy : [opening lines]  Is my hair beginning to droop because I am beat? School is hell, we work like slaves, hour after hour after hour, then lunch, then another hour, is this Russia? Is this... Kathy Lee Gifford High?

  Amber Moss : I know how you feel. And it's only Tuesday on a week with no Presidential holidays.

  Barry : And we only get five weeks of vacation at Christmas. I feel like I'm in chains, but not in a good way.

  Tiffany Malloy : Thank God study hall's over, and it's time for lunch.

  [spots rival Sable] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh, look, it's Miss Free Feels on Heels.

  [Sable glares at her, tossing her hair, ignoring her] 

  Tiffany Malloy : I hate that girl. Don't even speak to her.

  [fake:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Hello Sable!

  Sable O'Brien : Oh, it's Tiffany.

  [to boyfriend] 

  Sable O'Brien : See you later, okay?

  Ryan Malloy : [running up eagerly]  Sable! My sweet! My little apple-cheeks! Listen, if you keep running away from me, no-one is going to know we are boyfriend and girlfriend.

  Sable O'Brien : Shhh. It's a secret.

  Ryan Malloy : Oh. That's what makes it so dirty, huh?

  Sable O'Brien : Exactly. Now go sit over there, okay?

  [much-deluded Ryan scurries over to his usual place] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Ew, Ryan, what are you doing with that girl?

  Ryan Malloy : You mean when were together or when I'm alone?

  [Sable comes over] 

  Ryan Malloy : Shh. She speaks!

  Sable O'Brien : [to Tiffany]  Excuse me, but your hair's beginning to droop. What's wrong?

  Tiffany Malloy : Well, it's just that all of us kids have been working so hard, I feel we could use a Ditch Day, you know, a day at the beach.

  [Barry and Amber agrees] 

  Tiffany Malloy : But as leader of the school it would be irresponsible for me to encourage these young minds to miss a day of study. If I do that, they might not get to be the janitors and fry cooks of tomorrow.

  [dejected:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : The crown weighs heavy on this droopy hair.

• Sable O'Brien : [slyly, with hidden agenda]  You're a great leader. That's why no-one would listen to anyone but you. Hey, everybody! I think we've all been working too hard! I say tomorrow is a Ditch Day! Let's go to the beach!

  rest of the class : [cheering in unison]  Yay, Sable!

  Amber Moss : Oh, Tiffany, let's do it! Let's be bad!

  Tiffany Malloy : Not me. I've had perfect attendance my whole life. I like the little zero next to "days missed" on my report card. I mean, even when I had smallpox, I came to school. Yes, I did cause a teensy weensy little epidemic, but

  [shrugs happily] 

  Tiffany Malloy : thanks to me, we have the smallest graduation class in the proud history of our school. So, as the leader, I say we stay in school.

  Ryan Malloy : [rising, whispering intently]  We wanna go to the beach.

  [nodding sagely] 

  Tiffany Malloy : I still have a swatch of my smallpox blanket, Ryan. How would you like to find it on your pillow?

  Ryan Malloy : I'll pit my pillow against any disease you could throw at it. I've been drooling on it since I was a baby. Mom even tried to set it on fire once. It wouldn't burn.

  [grinning proudly] 

  Ryan Malloy : It just... glowed mockingly. Smallpox? Gah!

  Tiffany Malloy : Listen, I'm the leader, and I'll say what we do!

  [entire class shows rebellion] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Uh-oh, I feel my popularity slipping away. As a great leader, the most important lesson I have learned, is that I must stay on the side of the majority. So I say we go to the beach!

  [class whoops with joy] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Whew!

  [relieved, as crisis averted] 

• Tiffany Malloy : [spots beach hunk]  Oh! Would you look at him? He's the ginchiest. A surf god. He looks like a beer commercial for girls. If girls ever bought beer, instead of just having it poured down their throats by guys

  [with irony:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : who wanna give them a back rub.

  [hands mimicking back rub] 

  Ryan Malloy : What's the big noise? He's just a wet guy with long hair. I mean, I've seen better hair on the mashed potatoes in school.

  Tiffany Malloy : I just know he's gonna come talk to me.

  Sable O'Brien : [intercepting, with surfer-speak]  I saw you dogging that crazy lumber. You must be stoked that it is such a hooting day. So, were the sets, like, really glassy when you jazz them?

  Moondoggie : [densely]  Ya.

  Tiffany Malloy : [sensing competition]  Uh-oh.

  Sable O'Brien : I'd wig if you showed me to shoot a wicked curl.

  Moondoggie : [laughs dumbly, he doesn't understand this hot chick]  Uh, yeah!

  Amber Moss : Look! Sable caught a surfer! She's the coolest girl in school!

  [Barry's jaw drops] 

  Amber Moss : Let's be seen with her!

  [they run after] 

  Tiffany Malloy : [to Ryan, lying passed out]  Oh God, I've just lost a boy, and all of my adoring friends. But I'll get 'em back. I'll get it all back.

  Amber Moss : [returning]  Tiffany, I have to ask you a question.

  Tiffany Malloy : [smiles, it's happening already!]  My pleasure.

  Amber Moss : What do you think Sable would want for her birthday?

  Tiffany Malloy : [looks dejected]  Everything I have.

  [slumps] 

• Moondoggie : You won the surf contest, and my heart.

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh thanks. Now go stand over there with my other trophies.

  Ryan Malloy : See, Tiff? You're the most popular girl in school again.

  Tiffany Malloy : I'm popular again because I won some cheesy surf contest and I got a recording contract from a record producer that charges five hundred bucks.

  Amber Moss : Oh, they do that. It cost me a thousand dollars to make that naked video.