Geoff Pierson: Jack Malloy

Quotes 

• Jack Malloy : Hey, you're me. If I'm stupid, that makes you stupid!

  Mr. Floppy : I'm just an underachiever. I choose *love* instead of a career. Emotionally supporting you is a full-time job, Bub. Besides, what can I do with my life, stuck on this couch? I have less mobility than Franklin Delano Roosevelt! I'm physically challenged! You, on the other hand, are handicapped by your stupidity.

  Jack Malloy : Nah, I can't be stupid. I have three kids. Stupid people have four. Besides, look at Tiffany. Now, she's my daughter, and she's smart as a whip! Now,

  [brags:] 

  Jack Malloy : she must have got that from somewhere...

  Mr. Floppy : You stupidly stumbled on the answer: She's not yours!

  Jack Malloy : Of course she's mine. She calls me Daddy all the time.

  [chuckles] 

  Jack Malloy : Besides, Jennie would never cheat on me. I mean, why go out for a can of beer when you've got yourself a big frosty tallboy right here?

  Mr. Floppy : Jack, let me give you a newsflash. Women cheat. You can't trust a dame. I learned that little lesson the hard way.

  Jack Malloy : Where? The sizzling season premiere of Melrose Place?

  Mr. Floppy : No, the other cauldron of sin and deceit. The toy bin! She was beautiful, Jack. She had flawless skin, perfect boobies... a four-inch waist and long legs and a short dress. Dress sold separately! We'll call her... Burbie!