Deborah Kellner: Muffy

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Hey, Muffy. Did you get back your career aptitude test?

  Muffy : [scoffs]  Please, I'm not gonna have a career, I'm gonna have a husband. Jobs are for guys who wanna have this.

  [points down at her svelte body] 

  Muffy : So, what school did you get assigned to?

  Tiffany Malloy : Well, I decided to perform a little experiment, so I took the test *twice*, once claiming to be male, and once claiming to be female.

  Muffy : And?

  Tiffany Malloy : Well, the test results for the male me said I should be President of the United States.

  [Muffy snickers] 

  Tiffany Malloy : And the test results for the female me says I have to be a nurse.

  Muffy : Oh, you're lucky! Nurses get to marry doctors. And you can't put a price tag on a man who writes a prescription.

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh, yeah, you can. The school doctor will write you a prescription for marijuana for your glaucoma for fifty bucks.

• Muffy : [to Tiffany, as Ryan enters]  Oh, God, it's your brother, the goose-monster!