- Arnold Horshack: [talking about Mr. Woodman] There is only one thing that could make a man that crabby: he buys his underwear too small.
- Gabe Kotter: Hey, you guys would be weird too if you were raised by lizards.
- Vinnie Barbarino: Was he really?
- Gabe Kotter: Joke, Barbarino, joke.
- Juan Epstein: Where is Kotter, anyway? He's gonna miss my big surprise.
- Freddie 'Boom Boom' Washington: I don't know. You know, maybe he took his kids to the baby doctor.
- Vinnie Barbarino: That's stupid. Babies can't be doctors. What would they put on the prescription, "Goo goo?"