- Yancy Derringer: Mr. Colton, have you ever noticed the medal Pahoo wears?
- John Colton: Yes.
- Yancy Derringer: Well, it commemorates the treaty made by the United States and the Pawnee nation, the Table Creek Treaty. It was signed by the Great White Father - President Buchanan in 1857 - and it guaranteed the Pawnee nation the protection of the U.S. Army against the Cheyenne and Arapahoe.
- John Colton: Pahoo, listen to me. Go back to your tribe, yes, have them appoint you their spokesman, then go back to Washington; demand your legal rights. Make the War Department protect your people with soldiers as the treaty says.
- Yancy Derringer: Exactly what I had in mind.
- John Colton: Oh?
- Yancy Derringer: I thought you might give us a letter of introduction to the right people.
- John Colton: Of course.
- Colorado Charlie: You savvy this won't be no picnic for Pahoo. What I mean is feelings run high. There's too many greenhorns that figure the only good Indian is a dead one.
- Yancy Derringer: It's up to you and I to civilize 'em.
- Train Conductor: This redskin with you?
- Yancy Derringer: This gentleman is traveling with us, yes.
- Train Conductor: Not on this train, mister. Not first class. We don't carry no hair-raising aborigines with decent folks. He rides in the baggage car with the other animals or he gets thrown off. Those are the rules.
- Colorado Charlie: Well now, friend, I gotta couple of rules of my own. One of 'em is a white man with a big fat mouth gets offered the back of my fist!
- Yancy Derringer: Charlie! No.
- Colorado Charlie: Aw, Yancy, he's got one comin'.
- Yancy Derringer: No.
- Colorado Charlie: Just a little one.
- Yancy Derringer: No.
- Colorado Charlie: Not a tooth-breaker.
- Yancy Derringer: We're on a peace mission, remember?
- [Yancy, Pahoo and Charlie are eating chicken among the poultry cases in the baggage compartment]
- Colorado Charlie: What's so humorous, Yance?
- Yancy Derringer: I was just thinking of the look on John Colton's face if he could see us associating with these high dignitaries.
- Colorado Charlie: That's more than he can say. At least we're among friends.
- Yancy Derringer: That's more than the chickens can say.
- [Yancy and friends are thrown out of the hotel after Derringer decks a man for making rude remarks to Pahoo]
- Agatha Colton: It's outrageous! Simply outrageous!
- Colorado Charlie: It is, ma'am. So far, Yancy has hogged all the fightin' for himself.
- Yancy Derringer: Well now, old horse, what do we do? Pitch a tent on the White House lawn?
- Colorado Charlie: Naw, in civilization there's always one place that's tolerant to aborigines like us. C'mon, I'll show you.
- [scene dissolves to a livery stable]
- Colorado Charlie: Say, Yance, that fellow you chopped down back there - his name is Dingo, Jack Dingo. I've seen him before.
- Yancy Derringer: Where?
- Colorado Charlie: Out in Injun territory. You want to buy trouble? He sells it... ammunition, guns, whiskey. Now I wonder what a fellow like that is doin' here in Washington?
- Jack Dingo: It might not be so easy. You're not dealing with a simple savage. He's traveling with a hardcase by the name of Yancy Derringer.
- Alvin Watson: Alas, how quickly the barometer falls from fair to rainy.
- Jack Dingo: They both came to town with one of Custer's scouts, Colorado Charlie.
- Alvin Watson: From rainy to stormy.
- Alvin Watson: From the transparent look in your eye, it's quite obvious, Mr. Derringer, how, you're saying to yourself, did this chap ever wind up as the head of the Department of the Western Frontier, land of the scalplock, tomahawk and six-shooter. Well sir, let me tell you it wasn't easy. It required blackmail, influence, politics... and a few scalps of a different kind.
- Alvin Watson: Doesn't he talk?
- [Pahoo makes sign language]
- Alvin Watson: What did he say?
- Colorado Charlie: He says there ain't no point makin' talk if nobody's gonna listen.
- Jack Dingo: Well, I told you he was a very hard case. What are you going to do?
- Alvin Watson: Kill them.
- Jack Dingo: Kill them?
- Alvin Watson: Socially, I mean. That's a fate worse than death.
- Colorado Charlie: [to Yancy] Boy, they're tryin' to ambush you - can't you read the sign? All they got to do is make Pahoo the laughing stock and Watson will prove that Table Creek Treaty ain't worth nothin' but bullets.
- [during Pahoo's address to the U.S. Senate, plainclothes detectives arrest Watson]
- Alvin Watson: What a pity to leave. It's really a very good speech.
- [last lines]
- John Colton: What are you doing here?
- Agatha Colton: I was going to send my regards, but then Yancy persuaded me to bring them along in person.
- John Colton: Yancy? You mean you traveled all the way from Washington with him without a chaperone?
- Colorado Charlie: Well, now Pahoo was there - and I was there with him.
- John Colton: Yancy, you're going to answer to me for this!
- Yancy Derringer: Charlie, I'm afraid I'll have to agree with you. I really don't understand how such a beautiful sister could have such a homely brother.
- Colorado Charlie: Yeah! Yeah!