Thirtysomething (TV Series)

South by Southeast (1988)

Ken Olin: Michael Steadman

Quotes 

• Michael Steadman : [after falling asleep on a stakeout]  We used to be able to stay up all night. What happened to us?

  Elliot Weston : We're over the hill. How did we get over the hill? I haven't climbed the hill yet. I haven't even seen the hill.

• Hope Murdoch Steadman : She'll be 18.

  Michael Steadman : I don't think so.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : Money on it. When you see this girl, the word "perky" will spring to your lips. She'll have a horse named Buttercup. No, Honey Butter. And she'll love children. She'll want to have lots and lots of them.

  Michael Steadman : I think Gar might surprise you this time. Something tells me he couldn't be this serious about an 18-year-old.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : And she'll want to impress us. She'll steer the conversation toward something she has great expertise in. Cats is my guess.

• Michael Steadman : This is breaking and entering.

  Gary Shepherd : All the offices look the same. I was preoccupied, I didn't watch where I was going, I walked into the wrong office.

  Michael Steadman : And we were preoccupied, too?

  Gary Shepherd : You saw my error and came in to tell me I was in the wrong office.

  Elliot Weston : You realized your mistake, you felt embarrassed, so you typed the note telling Professor... what's his name?

  Gary Shepherd : Vandamm.

  Elliot Weston : ...Vandamm that you stumbled into his office by accident. You know, only you forget you take the note with you. We compare the typeface to the note on the rat and we prove he's our man.

  Gary Shepherd : Right.

  Michael Steadman : We are breaking into a man's office, and why are we doing that? All because you believe there is some insidious rat connection.

• Gary Shepherd : So?

  Michael Steadman : Well, I just met her.

  Gary Shepherd : You don't like her.

  Michael Steadman : Eh, she's very nice.

  Gary Shepherd : I knew this would happen. Why'd I even bring her?

  Michael Steadman : Gary!

  Gary Shepherd : What? You like her?

  Michael Steadman : I hate her. I think she's ugly.

  Gary Shepherd : You do like her.

• Michael Steadman : Nine women, all of whom have hated Gary within the past six months.

  Elliot Weston : Okay, we've got to start paring this down.

  Michael Steadman : Well, first off, we can eliminate the ones with no last names.

  Gary Shepherd : I remember their names. I remember all their names.

  Michael Steadman : We can also eliminate anyone described as "the girl who has a great tan."

  Elliot Weston : That's two of those.

  Gary Shepherd : So I forgot a couple of names. Big deal.

• Gary Shepherd : [after his apartment is vandalized]  Someone's trying to kill me.

  Michael Steadman : What?

  Gary Shepherd : Look at this place! You think children did this? "Die, Die, Die"? You seen my clothes? Slashed with a razor blade. My favorite jacket. I could have been in this, Michael. I could have been wearing this today.

  Michael Steadman : Gary, we're in the realm of serious paranoia here. This is not the work of murderers. Murderers don't muss up apartments. Murderers murder people. I gotta go.

  Gary Shepherd : You're gonna leave me like this?

  Michael Steadman : Gary, it's almost midnight. I've been up since 5:00 a.m., when I was woken by an insane, lovestruck telephone call. And I have got to get some sleep. Come on. Come home with me. Sleep on the couch. Janey can wake up both up in six hours.

• Michael Steadman : What do we got?

  Elliot Weston : Okay, we got Mary, Dianne, Trina, Karen, Karen Jenny, and the Culbert twins.

  Gary Shepherd : Why does it have to be a woman? These women don't hate me. It had to be a man.

  Elliot Weston : Were any of them married?

  Gary Shepherd : Yeah, sort of.

  Michael Steadman : "Yeah, sort of"?

  Gary Shepherd : They were separated.

  Elliot Weston : Who?

  Gary Shepherd : Jenny Vandamm.

  Elliot Weston : Do you think her husband did it?

  Gary Shepherd : That's it!

  Michael Steadman : That's it?

  Gary Shepherd : He's a professor at my college. He's in the psych department. He'd have access to rats.

  Elliot Weston : Of course. Why didn't I think of that?

• Eve : A guy's wife? Two or three months ago?

  Gary Shepherd : I tried to tell you. I just didn't think you'd understand.

  Eve : I understand. You slept with her last weekend and you lied to me.

  Michael Steadman : We should go.

  Eve : Oh, don't bother. I'm leaving. You boys can stay here and play. Don't worry, Gary. Children aren't responsible for their actions. It's been real fun playing with you.

• Elliot Weston : Okay, okay, look. We got slashed tires, we got a trashed apartment. We got a dead rat with a note. Now, is he trying to tell us something by choice of items? Let's take another look at the note.

  Michael Steadman : The note.

  Elliot Weston : Oh, the note.

  Michael Steadman : [going to the kitchen and taking it out of the freezer]  Here it is! "I know who you are. I know what you did. You're dead."

  Elliot Weston : Okay, what can we read into that? "I know who you are." Someone you know.

  Michael Steadman : Or who knows you.

  Elliot Weston : Who you don't know?

  Michael Steadman : So we're down to friends or strangers.