The Simpsons (TV Series)

Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious (1997)

Maggie Roswell: Shary Bobbins, Additional Voices

Quotes 

• Shary Bobbins : Hello. I'm Sharry Bobbins.

  Homer Simpson : [excited]  Did you say Mary Pop...?

  Shary Bobbins : No! I definitely did not! I'm an original creation, like Rickey Rouse and Monald Muck.

• Shary Bobbins : It's 8:00, children. Time for bed.

  Lisa Simpson : But we're not sleepy.

  Bart Simpson : Sing us a song, Shary Bobbins.

  Lisa Simpson : Yes, sing us a song.

  Shary Bobbins : I've been singing you songs all day. I'm not a bloody jukebox!

• Shary Bobbins : I do everything from changing diapers to telling stories.

  Abe Simpson : Put me down for one of each!

• Groundskeeper Willie : Shary Bobbins and I were engaged to be wed back in the old country. Then she got her eyesight back. Suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her.

  Shary Bobbins : It's good to see you, Willie.

  Groundskeeper Willie : [angry]  That's not what you said the first time you saw me!

• Shary Bobbins : [singing]  Wasted away again in Margaritaville.

  Barney : [singing]  Searching for my lost shaker of salt.

  [spoken] 

  Barney : Oh, here it is.

  [pours the salt into his mouth] 

• Homer Simpson : Now, Ms. Bobbins, if you want this job, you're going to have to answer a few questions. First, do you have any bad habits?

  Shary Bobbins : No. I'm practically perfect in every way.

  Homer Simpson : Well, so am I.

  [he boorishly drinks milk straight from the carton while scratching his butt, then belches] 

  Homer Simpson : Ah! Okay. Question two. Who was your last employer?

  Shary Bobbins : Lord and Lady Huffington of Sussex.

  Homer Simpson : [leaning over to Marge]  Marge, do we know them?

  Marge Simpson : No.

  Homer Simpson : Come on. Isn't he the guy I bowl with? The black guy?

  Marge Simpson : That's Carl.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, yeah.

  [to Shary] 

  Homer Simpson : So, you worked for Carl, eh?

  Bart Simpson : I have a question. Pop quiz, hotshot. I'm supposed to be doing my homework, but you find me upstairs reading a "Playdude". What do you do? What do you do?

  Shary Bobbins : I make you read every article in that magazine, including Norman Mailer's latest claptrap about his waning libido.

  Homer Simpson : Ooh. She is tough.

• Shary Bobbins : The policeman on the beat/Needs some time to rest his feet.

  Chief Wiggum : Fighting crime is not my cup of tea.

  Shary Bobbins : And the clerk who runs the store/Can charge a little more/For meat.

  Apu : For meat.

  Shary Bobbins : And milk.

  Apu : And milk.

  Shary Bobbins , Apu : From 1984.

  Shary Bobbins : If... you... cut every corner, you'll have more time for play

  Homer Simpson , Marge Simpson , Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson , Shary Bobbins : It's the American way.

  [as they leave Bart's room, Homer slams the door shut, and everything the kids put away spills back out] 

• Shary Bobbins : All right, children. Let's clean up this room.

  Bart Simpson : Oh, man!

  Lisa Simpson : Do we have to?

  Shary Bobbins : Now, now. I know a little secret that will make the job go twice as fast.

  [singing to the melody of "Spoonful of Sugar"] 

  Shary Bobbins : If there's a task that must be done/Don't turn your tail and run/Don't pout, don't sob/Just do a half-assed job/If... you... cut every corner, it is really not so bad/Everybody does it, even Mom and Dad.

  [outside, Homer dumps a used couch into Flanders' yard] 

  Shary Bobbins : If nobody sees it, then nobody gets mad.

  Bart Simpson : It's the American way.

• Shary Bobbins : I believe my work here is done.

  Marge Simpson : Thank you for everything.

  Lisa Simpson , Bart Simpson : We'll miss you, Shary Bobbins.

  Homer Simpson : You've changed me, as well. I'm no longer the money-driven workaholic I once was.

  Shary Bobbins : I love you all.

  [giving them a final wave and leaving] 

  Shary Bobbins : Oh! To think I'll never hear those sweet voices again.

  Homer Simpson : [crashing through the front window, strangling Bart]  Aw, you... you... you little...!

  Shary Bobbins : Oh.

  [heading back in, she sees Lisa aimlessly banging on a pot, and gasps upon seeing Maggie using a fire extinguisher to put out the front curtains and Marge shivering, with her hair falling out again] 

  Shary Bobbins : Oh, I'll just unpack my things.

  Abe Simpson : [floating outside through the open door]  I think we got our umbrellas switched! Whee! I never felt so alive!

  [he begins snoring as he floats away] 

• Shary Bobbins : [singing]  In front of a tavern/Flat on his face/A boozehound named Barney/Is pleading his case.

  Barney : Buy me a beer/Two bucks a glass/Come on, help me/I'm freezing my ass/Buy me a brandy/A snifter of wine/Who am I kidding?/I'll drink turpentine.

  Moe : Move it, ya drunk/Or I'll blast your rear end.

  Barney : I found two bucks.

  Moe : Then come in, my friend.

  Shary Bobbins : And so, let us leave/On this heartwarming scene.

  Bart Simpson : [falling asleep]  Can I be a boozehound?

  Homer Simpson : Not 'til you're 15.

• Marge Simpson : Shary, you did the best you could, but you can't change this family, and neither can I. From now on, I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy the ride.

  Shary Bobbins : But haven't I taught you people anything?

  Homer Simpson : Nope.

  Lisa Simpson : No.

  Bart Simpson : Nope.

  Marge Simpson : No.

  Shary Bobbins : So you like it this way?

  Homer Simpson : Indubitably!

  [singing] 

  Homer Simpson : Around the house/I never lift a finger/As a husband and father, I'm sub-par/I'd rather drink a beer than win Father of the Year/I'm happy with things the way they are.

  Lisa Simpson : I'm getting used to never getting noticed.

  Bart Simpson : I'm stuck here 'til I can steal a car.

  Marge Simpson : The house is still a mess/And I'm going bald from stress.

  Marge Simpson , Homer Simpson , Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : But we're happy just the way we are!

  Ned Flanders : They're not perfect, but the Lord says love thy neighbor.

  Homer Simpson : Shut up, Flanders.

  Ned Flanders : Okely-dokely-do.

  Shary Bobbins : Don't think it's sour grapes/But you're all a bunch of apes/And so I must be leaving you.

  Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : [watching her fly away]  Goodbye, Shary Bobbins!

  Marge Simpson : Thanks for everything!

  Barney : So long, Superman!

• Homer Simpson : Shary Bobbins! I want another beer.

  Shary Bobbins : Well, you know, Homer...

  [singing] 

  Shary Bobbins : If there's a job that must be done/You'll find it's much more fun...

  Homer Simpson : [interrupting]  You'll find it's even *more* fun if *you* get it for *me*.

  Shary Bobbins : [continuing]  But the beer will taste more sweet/If you get up off your seat...

  Bart Simpson : Lady, the man asked for a beer, not a song.

• Lisa Simpson : Oh, Shary Bobbins, this is ever so much fun.

  Bart Simpson : With you, every day is Guy Fawkes Day!

  Montgomery Burns : Bah, humbug.

  Shary Bobbins : Oh, Mr. Burns, I think you'll find all life's problems just float away when you're flying a kite.

  Montgomery Burns : Balderdash. This is the silliest load of... ooh! Look at it fly! Whee! Look at me, Smithers! I feel practically superduperfragicalicexpiala...

  [storm clouds form and he's electrocuted by a bolt of lightning] 

  Montgomery Burns : do... ohhhh! Ooh. What's this strange sensation in my chest?

  Waylon Smithers : [feeling his chest]  I think your heart's beating again.

  Montgomery Burns : Ooh. That takes me back. God bless you, Shary Bobbins.

• Shary Bobbins : Lisa, don't sit in front of that telly like a fly stuck on a toffee. It's a great big world out there.

  Lisa Simpson : Been there, done it.

  Shary Bobbins : I know! We could have a tea party on the ceiling.

  Lisa Simpson : Shh. TV.

• Shary Bobbins : Bart Simpson, this room is a frightful mess.

  Bart Simpson : [throwing cupcakes at the wall]  I'll get right on it.

  Shary Bobbins : Bart, don't you remember? Cleaning up can be a game.

  Bart Simpson : I got a better game. It's called "whipping cupcakes."