British Men Behaving Badly (TV Series)

Intruders (1992)

Martin Clunes: Gary

Quotes 

• Gary : [walks into Dermot's room and finds him wearing his new suit]  Dermot!

  [Dermot grabs his duvet and holds it in front of him, covering his suit] 

  Gary : Oh, I see. It's a duvet. Well, silly old me. I thought for a moment you'd spent all the money you owe me on a new suit,

  [yanks duvet out of Dermot's hands] 

  Gary : you piece of scum.

  Dermot : I'm looking after it for a friend.

  Gary : No, you're not.

  Dermot : All right. It's an investment.

  Gary : No, it isn't. It's a bloody new, bloody suit, you bastard.

  Dermot : It's not my fault. Whenever I see a cheque, I go out of control. I'm the same with tight black skirts, actually.

  Gary : This is my money we are talking about here. What would you say if I emptied your wallet and went out on a spending spree?

  Dermot : I'd say, "What can you buy these days for an old library ticket and a picture of Lisa bending down on Brighton Beach?"

  Gary : Shut up.

  [looks around the room] 

  Gary : Well, what else have you bought for yourself?

  Dermot : Nothing.

  [Gary sees the shopping bag on Dermot's bed] 

  Gary : Well, what's in that bag?

  Dermot : [grabs bag]  Oh, it's-- it's a cookery book.

  Gary : You expect me to believe that, do you?

  Dermot : You're always saying you're tired of me cooking the same thing all the time.

  Gary : [sighs]  Yeah, all right.

  [starts to walk out of the room] 

  Dermot : Not that there's anything wrong with fish fingers Sur La Toast.

  [Gary pauses at the door and points at Dermot's sunglasses] 

  Gary : Take those stupid sunglasses off.