George Lopez (TV Series)

A Funeral Brings George to His Niece (2006)

George Lopez: George Lopez

Photos 

Quotes 

• George Lopez : [to Max about Veronica]  Max, she's your first cousin and you have dyslexia. If you have kids with her, your mom and I will have to pay a dollar to visit our grandkids at the circus.

• Claudia : [on her video will about who will be the trustee of Veronica's inheritance money]  Will Vic Palmero please step forward.

  [Vic steps forward] 

  Claudia : Okay, now bend over and kiss George Lopez's ass because I pick him.

  [everyone looks at George in shock] 

  George Lopez : [laughs]  In your face! You heard her, Vic! Kiss it!

• George Lopez : I'll take a shot of beer and two olives to shove in my ears so I don't have to listen to these people.

  Veronica Palmero : Yeah, my family's easier to deal with after a couple of drinks.

  George Lopez : You know, a good bartender just listens.

  Veronica Palmero : And a good uncle recognizes his own goddaughter.

  George Lopez : Yeah, probably.

• Veronica Palmero : You're just jealous because you're poor.

  George Lopez : Oh, no she didn't! I'm not poor! I own a house, three cars and hundreds of dollars of change somewhere on this property.

• George Lopez : Look, I know you don't want to hear it, but this is what dads say. Someday you'll thank me for this.

  Veronica Palmero : This is so unfair!

  George Lopez : Oh, I know the answer to that one, too, whatcha: who said life was fair?

• George Lopez : Veronica! You're all grown up! The last time I saw you, you had a ponytail and baby fat.

  Veronica Palmero : So did you.

  George Lopez : At least I didn't have a full diaper. You see, you don't wanna play this game.

• Angie Lopez : Veronica has really changed. Her mother died and all she cares about is the money!

  George Lopez : Not all families mourn, Angie. Some just cash in a gold tooth and throw a party.

• George Lopez : [after he and Angie find women's underwear, perfume, and earrings in Max's bookbag]  We should have seen this coming when he started lining his army men in a chorus line!

• George Lopez : Why are you treating her so nice? I'm the trustee.

  Benny : George, George, my little boy. Remember when I used to hold you?

  George Lopez : That's cause you were drunk and had the spins. Beat it, bat!

• Veronica Palmero : We walked home.

  George Lopez : Why didn't you take a cab?

  Veronica Palmero : I spent all my money!

  George Lopez : On what?

  Veronica Palmero : I'll give you a hint... I'm kind of like these chips... baked!

  George Lopez : You got high?

  Veronica Palmero : Whoa, is it just me or have we been talking for like, an hour?

• Vic Palermo : George, there's something I have to get off my chest.

  George Lopez : 65 years of Cuban hair? The hedge trimmer's over there. Rinse it off when you're done.

• George Lopez : While you're here, you're going to get an allowance.

  Veronica Palmero : At home I used to get $500 a week.

  George Lopez : Ta loca $500, I'll give you $40.

  Veronica Palmero : Forty dollars? Is this a maturity test?

  [wide eyed] 

  Veronica Palmero : You're trying to see if I'll cry!

  George Lopez : [weepy voice]  You know who cries? BABIES!