All in the Family (TV Series)

The Battle of the Month (1973)

Sally Struthers: Gloria Bunker-Stivic

Quotes 

• Archie Bunker : Don't go blaming nothing on God that youse women brung on yourselves.

  Gloria Stivic : What?

  Archie Bunker : Yes, that's right. You don't believe me, read your Bible. Read the story about Adam and Eve there. Adam and Eve, they had it pretty soft out in paradise. They had no problems, they didn't even know they was naked. But Eve, she wasn't satisfied with all that, see? And one day against a direct order, she made poor Adam eat that apple. God got sore. He told them, "Get your clothes on and get the hell out of here".

• Archie Bunker : [Gloria barges into the dining room after a brawl with her mother]  What's going on out there? Where's dinner?

  Gloria Stivic : Is that all you ever think about - dinner?

  Archie Bunker : When I'm sittin' at the dinner table, yah, I think about dinner!

• Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Now, we're going to get to the bottom of this. We're not going to sleep. You tell me WHY you got into a fight with your mother.

  Gloria Stivic : Because I love her.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : What?

  Gloria Stivic : I felt I had to tell her the truth about herself.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Oh, and because of that, now she's not speaking to you?

  Gloria Stivic : [mockingly]  Yeeeessss.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : [rolls his eyes]  Oh, COME ON, Gloria. What are you trying to tell me? I know your mother; I've been living with her for over two years. She's a marvelous woman.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic , Gloria Stivic : [angrily]  Are you saying I'm NOT?

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : No! No! I'm not saying that. But, uhhhh...

  Gloria Stivic : [mocks him]  "But-uhhhh"... what?

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : But... uhhhh...

  Gloria Stivic : "But-uhhhh"-what... but... what... BUT... WHAT?

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : BUT you're not like your mother!

  Gloria Stivic : Well, thank God for THAT!

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : You're like your father.

  Gloria Stivic : [shouts]  WHAAAAAAAAAAT?

• Edith Bunker : Gloria, I don't think you should be talking to your father that way. I know you ain't feeling well, but he's your father!

  Gloria Stivic : Yeah, but that doesn't make him right, and when he's wrong, I'm going to tell him so.

  Edith Bunker : But you didn't tell him he was wrong, you told him he was stupid.

  Gloria Stivic : Well he is!

• Gloria Stivic : Ma, marriage is supposed to be a partnership, well you're not a half, not even a quarter, you're a nothing, a zero!

  Edith Bunker : Gloria!

  Gloria Stivic : And even if you stood up to him 10 TIMES as much as you do, 10 times nothing is STILL nothing!

• Gloria Stivic : You can stop listening now, the fight is over.

  Archie Bunker : The fight might be over between you and him but it's not over between him and me. Out there, he called me a bonehead!

  Gloria Stivic : And how did you hear that? Did you have your hot little ear pressed against the wall?

  Archie Bunker : Noooo!

  Edith Bunker : He listened with this glass.

  Gloria Stivic : Well I have one final thing to say to you.

  [picks up glass] 

  Archie Bunker : Get away from me.

  Gloria Stivic : [presses glass against his ear and yells into it]  GOOD NIGHT!